Speed Walkers Need Steroids Too

If you thought the only people turning to steroids for an advantage these days were Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton (pictured), you'd be wrong.

Just before the Beijing games began it was reported that three Russian speed walkers had tested positive for a banned substance. Which of course begs the question: there's more than one person competing for a spot on a country's speed walking team?


The Belfast Telegraph (yes THAT Belfast Telegraph) reported the story but is actually not a Russian newspaper. They're located in northern Ireland and are likely trying to build momentum for their own gold medal caliber Irish speed walking team by exposing the cheating, scandalous Russian squad. The three Russians walkers also tested positive for large amounts of vodka, although it should be noted that it is not a banned substance.

Olympic speed walkers have always been looking to increase the velocity of their steps, just as long it's not TOO much quicker. Steroid-abusing walkers could be blurring the line between speed walking and slightly slower running. And after all, anyone can run but walking as fast as possible is an art form as classic as accelerated eye blinking.

It's a sad day for athletic competition when the most honorable of sports has fallen prey to the evil steroid empire. It seems that no sport is untouchable from being tainted. Curling, we're watching you.

Tip of the hat for this story goes to the blog "Fighting the Man Eight Days a Week," who specializes primarily in exposing Russian injustices around the world. And male pugilism occurring over an impossibly long period of time.
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