An AFC Jersey For The Bandwagon Fan.

Without a doubt, the owner of this jersey's team will be going to the Super Bowl.

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5 Products More Controversial Than Michael Vick Doggie Jerseys

Recently, the Philadelphia Eagles started selling Michael Vick #7 Jerseys for the dogs of Eagles fans. The outrage I feel over this product being put on the market is overwhelming right now. How can I let the Eagles organization beat me to one of the greatest joke products of all time? Surely there will never be a sleazier display of capitalism than this, right? I mean its the dog equivalent of "I Heart Ted Bundy" T-shirts.

The jealous rage I have towards the geniuses that make up the Eagle's marketing department is voracious. I mean, I haven't even written anything for this site in over a year, but I'm coming out of retirement just to bring you five items even better than Doggie Hate Shirts. Available for a limited time only in the Wet Hot American Shop, here are "The Top 5 Products More Controversial Than Michael Vick Doggie Jerseys"

#5. John Calipari's Final Four Tickets

Price: $200 a piece (Note: Subject to Forfeit by NCAA)

Quantity Available: 2 (For Now)

Details: Priced to move, a deal too good to be true. All we need is your SAT scores and a few thousand dollars under the table, and these babies are yours. Order now and you can pre-order University of Kentucky tickets, when available. If you choose to leave the tickets behind, extra baggage is included, but no fines or penalties.

#4. Ricky Williams Signature Glassware

Price: $50 with purchase of eighth of an ounce of "tobacco."

Quantity Available: 420

Details: Hand blown glass by Ricky Williams during his stay at a holistic medicine center. Each smoking device shows off a different phase of Ricky William's life through colorful decals. Wether it's a "Dorm Days at The University of Texas" glass spoon, or a "Ricky in the Canadian Football League" 4 foot bong, RW Designs has the pipe for you. Note: Some pipes may be slightly used.

#3. Sean Avery's Sloppy Seconds Sloppy Joe Mix

Price: $3.25 a can. Just add meat....and a base salary of at least $10 million, to even have a chance with one of these two girls.

Quantity Available: At least 2. Probably a whole lot more, but we just can't get past the first two.

Details: Make tonight a Manwich night as you spoon out either the Original "Hungry Hunter," or go for the spicier "Cajun Cuthbert" style. You really can't go wrong because either selection is filled with Sean Avery's special sauce.

#2. Plaxico Burress Sweatpants

Price: $37 (Warning: Gun may be loaded, and the safety might possibly be off, but I'm sure its safe. Yeah it's safe..... Probably.)

Quantity Available: 17 (Also available in Big Blue)

Details: Arrive at the club in style, with these 50/50 poly-cotton blend sweats. The built in gun holster allows the wearer ready access to his nine, while allowing his junk to flow freely. Optional inside the pants holster available for those that want to look hard on the outside but feel the soft leather on the inside. Warning: Wet Hot American Sports is not responsible for any lawsuits that may result from wearing Plaxico Burress sweatpants while receiving a lap dance.

#1. Rick Pitino's Morning After Pills

Price: $45 with doctor's prescription and guilty conscious.

Quantity Available: It only takes 1 to scramble the brain of an unborn child..... or to just get over that really bad "hangover." Whatever you're telling yourself.

Details: 98% effective. In case of twins take two. In case of conjoined twins, take two stuck together. Caution: May be subject to excommunication from Catholic church.

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Chad Johnson Could Beat Michael Phelps

...or so he claims. In an interview with the guys from PTI, Tony Kornheiser asked Ocho Cinco if he could beat Michael Phelps in a swimming race. To which he said,

"...if he came to where I'm from, which is the inner city...I was a three time Charles Harding pool champ. I know a couple who could beat Michael Phelps right now. Seriously, I'm telling you, and I'm one of them."

It is officially on. After Phelps finishes his run at Olympic history and the swim meet draws to a close, why not fly in Chad Johnson and put him to the test? After all, Phelps has had to swim seventeen races, and has to be stressed out and tired. Not only would this give Phelps a much needed moment to laugh, it would help even the field a little for the three time C-Hard champ. And by that I mean Phelps might not lap him...by much.

But who knows, Johnson has tried this before, and won. Johnson outran a horse on the track by a few lengths, of the horse, not Johnson. But running of course is a fundamental of his sport, football. The only swimming he has to do, is in all the money he's earning this year. Last time I checked, the Speedo LZR wasn't aerodynamically designed for Scrooge McDuck.

Regardless of the outcome, the race would be both entertaining and beneficial. I can see Ocho swimming under the rope into Phelps' lane as he tires to lap him, pulling down his Speedo, and sending the golden boy reeling. Better yet, just like the horse race, they should let Chad start on the block, but make Phelps stand 30 yards back, having to run and leap into the pool. You know what, let's make that the standard for swimming period. All swimmers should have to run and jump into the pool, all while avoiding falling on the wet floor. That's a sport I could get into.

But the entertainment value aside, if Chad Johnson really is even an average swimmer, a race like this would do wonders to promote inner city swimming. Johnson himself claims that the only reason kids like him aren't competing with Phelps, is because they don't have the opportunity. Well what Cullen Jones did for African-American swimming a few nights ago, will be nothing compared to when Chad Johnson and his bleached mohawk hit the pool.

So, whether he was joking or not, I honestly think Johnson is on to something here. It would be good for swimming, good for him and his cause, and good TV for all of us.
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Thursday Throw-down: The Olympics VS The Super Bowl

Welcome to Thursday boys and girls! Each and every 4th day of the work week we will have a mighty throw-down; a (somewhat) scientific comparison between two things. Maybe one week its two athletes, or two sports, or two athlete's wives/mistresses.

This week in honor of the upcoming Summer Olympics just hours away (unless you don't count the fruity opening ceremonies, which I don't) we'll throw-down with the 2008 Summer games vs. The Super Bowl. It's the pinnacle of international competition doing battle with the pinnacle of good 'ol AMERICAN competition. And you know, beer and over produced halftime shows.

Let's Throw-down!

	THE 2008 OLYMPICS	THE SUPER BOWL
SPORT	With 34 different sports represented it's got something for everyone including some really fun obscure sports like table tennis and trampoline, which we are all a little surprised to find out are actual sports.	Football. I mean it's America's favorite sport. There's lots of hitting and running and throwing and what not. It's quite nice.
FANS	You've got a random and extremely small assortment of fans from countries all over the world. And then you've got a billion Chinese.	If you're lucky you get Raiders fans, which is basically an assortment of people celebrating Halloween every day. If you're having a bad day you get Eagle fans who will boo Santa Clause, misspell their own team's name in chants, and consume a billion cheese steaks.
BEST ATHLETE	I'll go ahead and pick American swimmer Michael Phelps; he may win the record for most gold medals won in a single Olympics and he's got a really sweet 'stache.	Tom Brady. He's dreamy.
WORST ATHLETE	Table Tennis player (come on this is just Ping Pong right?). Incredible hand-eye coordination and quickness. Poor muscle definition, personality, and exclusively Asian in ethnicity.	Punter. Incredible leg strength and flexibility. Poor tackling ability, size, strength, mental toughness, and just about everything else required of any other position player.
AWARD GIVEN	Small circular medal, hopefully golden.	Vince Lombardi trophy, a giant phallic symbol with a little football on top.
LOCATION	Beijing, China. Possibly the most polluted area on the planet. Crowded city, lack of English spoken.	Usually a warm, tourist friendly city in America. Plenty of English spoken.
TV PERSONALITY	Bob Costas. That little guy is just brimming with interesting sports anecdotes and statistics.	John Madden. He's everything BUT little and is expanding every day.

And the winner of the 1st annual Wet Hot American Sports Thursday Throw-down.....

THE SUPER BOWL! Come on, did you think we'd pick some "Foreign" sporting event over our good 'ol American tackle-fest? The truth is, I've never heard of an Olympics party and as far as I know the commercials are not that funny. And I complain that the Super Bowl is WAY too long, not to mention the pregame show, but the Olympics last weeks. What if we had to wait WEEKS to find out who was in fact going to Disney World?

Congrats Super Bowl, you will receive a free subscription to the new award winning blog "Wet Hot American Sports." My friends tell me it's all the rage.

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Four Square, Vandalism, and Your Daily Dose of Favre

When I was in high school I took a job at the YMCA one summer working at their summer day camp. From day one I fell in love with the job. The kids were fun, my coworkers were great, and I basically got paid to beat little kids in basketball. I am terrible at basketball, but little kids are much worse. I continued to work there for the next five years or so but then things started to turn a little. 

The people in charge were slowly changing the image of the camp, making it more Christian and wholesome, and staffing the camp with super nice people that loved to sing about Jesus. Not that there's anything wrong with all that. I mean I love me some Jesus singing and all but I missed the old days. I missed tethering children to the back of the makeshift golf cart and driving through mud puddles. I missed pointing out the female counselors in training that would be most likely to get us arrested. I missed the irony of showing up to work hung over only to lead devotional with my campers an hour later. Yes those were some good times. 

So anyway, one night while trying to impress a fellow female counselor, I decided to bring back the past a little. I grabbed a can of paint out of the art supply closet and proceeded to vandalize the camp with YMCA friendly graffiti. Unfortunately, I made a small mistake with what I thought was a harmless prank; I involved the female counselor. She was the second person grilled about the incident, I of course the first. Well moments after I had just finished polishing off my watertight alibi and schmoozing the big man, she ratted out both of us. So now we finally get to the part of this story that matters. 

Called back into the office moments after lying my ass off, I had to face the big man again. By the way big man isn't some corny slang I use, my boss was literally a very big man. Normally this kind of thing would have been open and shut. "Hi Jason, you just lied to my face about vandalizing a Christian camp, I think you know where the door is." But, I wasn't just some schmo who was hired off the street. I was a hardy veteran who was fully entrenched in the YMCA system. 

I had won countless awards for leadership and pottery making and all other counselor related superlatives. I even was inducted into a special club for YMCA badasses. That's right, if I hadn't smeared tomorrows arts and crafts project all over the bathroom door, I might be wrangling dodgeballs in a gym in Akron right now. 

But there I was, surprisingly relaxed for a man who knew he was getting the boot. My boss and I casually talked about our mutual love for Wolfpack basketball, and just reminisced about the years past. My proverbial career was flashing before my eyes. We both knew the end result: you're fired, we're moving on. Moral of the story: don't ever commit crimes with women. But the reason this story from the past surfaced today is not because of some female hating agenda, but because of our dear friend Brett Favre. (Woah, did he really just turn a quaint little piece about his youth into yet another Brett Favre story? You bet your ass I did. Suck on that ESPN.)

When I read about the meeting McCarthy had with Favre and the eventual outcome, I was taken back to that wet, hot, American summer, and the meeting with the big man. I imagine the five hour meeting with Mike McCarthy was very much the same. Two men with mutual respect for one another chatting about the good ole days, talking about nothing really, but all the while just wanting to have one last goodbye. 

Both men knew going into this meeting what the result was going to be. I mean do you really think Favre went in there and told his coach "I want my job, but I'm not willing to beg for it." Or do you think McCarthy told Favre, "Were willing to let you compete for the job only because the press is killing us and you don't really stand a chance." No, of course not. But one last formality was required and thus the awkward man hug that is firing a legend began. 

McCarthy and Favre respected the decision that each other had to make, as my boss and I did ten years ago. But the one tiny little difference between the scenarios is that I never won the YMCA Super Bowl and didn't set every statistical record for camp counseling. Plus, I was on the down slope of my career, realizing that when a bunch of first graders beat me at four square. 

So, once again and for the final time, I promise, I really hope the Green Bay Packers know what the hell they are doing. Because once he walks out that door, he'll never step foot in that YMCA again, no matter how good the catering in the five hour meeting was. I found my next gig at the Bennigans down the street, and my guess is Favre won't have to drive too far either. Although I looked terrible in Bennigans green, Favre is gonna look pretty good in Vikings purple.

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"Fox NFL Sunday" Has Six Anchors as Strahan, Gap in His Teeth, Join Team

Okay so the deal happened around late June, but today I witnessed my first ever Michael Strahan, the broadcaster, sighting. And let me tell you, he was PIMP. Wearing a retro black army style shirt with shoulder straps, which was buttoned down to reveal his manly chest, Strahan was displaying charisma and style. Doing a cameo for ESPN's Brett Favre-aploozza today, the former Giant showed why he's the next coming of Barkley.

Not since the round mound of rebound became the round mound of sound have I so eagerly anticipated a player's retirement. Not because of a hatred for the Giants or Strahan as a player, but because of what lied ahead. We have gotten to see glimpses of the affable Mike in interviews and guest appearances on pregame shows throughout the years, and each time he has outshined anyone that preceded him. 

Normally, active players that appear on such shows come off as nervous, cold, and stiff. Being a top-notch commentator takes not only a winning personality, but experience at honing your craft. But Strahan was different. When he showed up, everyone else was dwarfed in comparison. He thinks off his feet, his smile is infectious, and his knowledge of the game is superb.

Strahan should easily make everyone forget how badly the Fox team missed James Brown last year. Strahan/Bradshaw will be the NFL's Barkley/Smith. The only difference is; Strahan is both smart and entertaining where as Barkley fills an entertainment need to Kenny Smith's excellent analysis. So as a fellow gaped toother like myself, (Although mine pales in comparison to his) I wish Strahan the best of luck in what should be a brilliant career in the booth. (CONTINUE READING)

Dear Mr. Fantasy,

Welcome to the first ever installment of our Monday feature, "Dear Mr. Fantasy," where I make all your wildest fantasies come true. At least those related to fantasy football. So follow me as we go deep down into the depths of fantasy football lore. So join me as I answer a burning question, confess my itching desire, tell you about an amazing rookie, take a couple three point stances, and give you tips on how to draft in 2008.

The Burning Question: "What do I do about this whole Brett Favre mess?"

The short answer: stay pat for now. We finally know Favre's comeback is official and as of right now, he is still a Packer. Rest assured, if he's back, he's gonna start. Whether it's with Green Bay or Minnesota, he will have a big fantasy impact. But, if you're in a league with an early draft, waiting might not be an option for you. This saga could play out for another week or so, but if your draft is before then, plan your move wisely. 

You could pass on some big name QBs in favor of Favre in a late round, but beware: newsmakers usually get gobbled up quick. Chances are, by now everyone in your league knows about this saga, even if they were locked in a cave all month. So don't be surprised if you're expecting to take a flier on Brett in the fifth or sixth, to see him taken by your little sister in the third or fourth.

My Itching Desire: Getting Brett Favre

I'll talk about this later in more detail, but 2008 is a very questionable season for running backs. There's a handful of reliable guys, some unproven rookies, a lot of studs coming off injuries, and new starters throughout. So taking a RB or two early this year is a no-brainer. Which is why Favre is so intoxicating to me. There's a good chance you can pick him up in a late round, and there's a good chance he'll put up huge numbers like he did last year. You grab two stud RBs early and Brett Favre late, you can start clearing your plate in December, you're probably going to the playoffs. 

But I wouldn't put the kind of faith in Favre I would in guys like Brees, Brady , and Manning. Draft a reliable backup or you might pay the price. With the Madden curse, rust, and the still uncertainty of either a new team or Rodgers winning the job, Favre is a more risky proposition than other stud QBS. So if you get him, make sure you have a Schaub or a Cutler waiting in the wings.

Thus concludes the obligatory Brett Favre portion of this column, we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Rookie to Watch: Matt Forte of the Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears will run the football. Repeat those words to yourself, take deep breaths, throw a dart at your Cedric Benson effigy head, and pick up Forte. I won't lie, Benson killed me last year in a few leagues. A first round pickup, he was the death of many fantasy teams in 2007, and I understand the wound is still fresh. But Forte is no Benson. The Green Waver of Tulane rushed for over 2,000 yards last season, averaging over 177 yards a game. In a span of three games last year, he had 820 yards. Yes, while Conference USA and the NFL are apples and oranges, if he even puts up half those numbers he's worth the value at where he's projected to get drafted. 

This is a guy you can easily get in the third, fourth, maybe fifth round. Remember, every year at least one rookie running back has a breakout year. While most predict Darren McFadden is the guy, I think he is overvalued where he is being drafted. Because of playing at Tulane, nobody knows who Forte is, so he's going to be a steal. But in case you just miss out on picking him up, take the chance to look at Chris Johnson for the Tennessee Titans. Another C-USA guy, Johnson is a speedster who is gonna get a lot of playing time in run-first Nashville.

Three-Point Stance: RB's Who Suck

Willie Parker. Injury, Roethlisbeger, Mendenhall. These three words define why I don't like Parker at all this year. Parker's coming off a fractured fibula, not a good injury for a halfback. But even without it, he played 15 games last year, where he racked up a whopping two TD's all year. New coach Mike Tomlin has installed a pass first mentality in Pittsburgh with Big Ben pulling the strings. And even if they did reverse the trend and run more, the big bruiser out of Illionois, Rashard Mendenhall is going to see the bulk of the goal-line action.

Julius Jones. Free from the constraints of Marion Barber, Jones is set to fulfill the legacy of Shaun Alexander in Seattle. and by that I mean suck. In the Parker club of multiple TD's (2), Jones only rushed for 588 yards. But that was because the Cowboys were holding him back right? While Jones will see more action in Seattle, Maurice Morris is going to be sharing the load as co-starter.

Marion Barber. People are in love with this guy in 2008 and he's being taken extremely high on draft boards. I can't argue the numbers (12 TDS, over 1,000 total yards), but just name me one RB who did better when given the full-time position after being in a committee situation.

 

Three Point Stance: RB's Who Don't

Joseph Addai. My choice for number two pick behind LT. Manning's receiving corp is thinning while his O-line is getting better. His sophomore slump last year saw him hitting 15 TDs, and over 1,300 total yards. Look for him to bust out of a rut for a huge third year.

Ronnie Brown. The Dolphins suck. Ronnie Brown does not. While at first one can point to either the ACL injury or the departure of Cam Cameron as signs not to take him, I think the reward greatly outweighs the risk. Brown is looking great so far and the Dolphins can't throw the ball to save their life. With the addition of Jake Long, Anthony Fasano, and head coach Tony Sparano, all signs point to a 75/25 running to passing ratio. The only downside, Ricky Williams also is looking really good, and could see a lot of carries.

Larry Johnson. Anyone who saw HBO's "Hard Knocks" last year knew Johnson was going to suck in 2007. Just the way he was carrying himself reeked of overconfidence and a fat paycheck. But this year I think he has something to prove. Staying healthy would help, but so would one quarterback. I think the constant flip-flopping last year hurt LJ bad. Crappy or not, sticking with Brodie Croyle all season will help his numbers tremendously. Plus, Croyle's wife is smoking hot.

Draft Tips to Swear By: Take a Running Back Dammit!

While this advice gets pounded into the brains of young fantasy footballers at a tender age, I can't repeat it enough and this year holds especially true. Outside of the top four: LT, Addai, AP, and Brian Westbrook, there are only a handful of reliable running backs. It's almost impossible to win without at least one stud running back, so hedge your bets. The strategy that seems to work the best for me is a three-pronged attack. 

First, take Mr. Reliable. If you can't get one of the top four guys I suggest guys like Marshawn Lynch, Frank Gore, or Willis McGahee.

Second, pick a guy with a lot of upside. Examples include anyone coming off injury: Brown, LJ, or Steven Jackson, or anyone who had an off-year last year: MJD, Reggie Bush, or Thomas Jones. 

Third, take a rookie. As mentioned before, at least one rookie always has a huge year, and this year I think there could be three or four. There's the aforementioned McFadden, Forte, Mendenhall, and Johnson, but other guys to watch include Felix Jones in Dallas and Jonathon Stewart in Carolina.

 

Well this concludes the first ever Dear Mr. Fantasy. I hope these tips serve you well in the upcoming fantasy season, but really the best way to get a leg up this year is through mock drafts. They're free over at ESPN.com and are a great tool to preparing for where guys are going in this years draft. Next week I'm going to do a mock draft right before I write my column and will then analyze the first few rounds, telling you why I picked who I did. Until then, I'm Mr. Fantasy playing you a tune. (CONTINUE READING)

NFL (Pre) Season Underway: Redskins Own Best Record in Football

Your up-to-the-minute Wet Hot American Sports NFL report: The 2008 (pre) season is finally underway after the annual Hall of Fame game in Canton, Ohio Sunday night. The Redskins and Colts battled in an important (meaningless) contest which ended with Washington earning a decisive 30-16 victory.

The win helps Washington remain undefeated and gives them the best record in the NFL. Their win percentage is an impressive 1.000 and they're currently averaging an NFL-best 30 points per game. The Colts suffered a devastating blow with the loss and are still searching for their first win of the year.


Other News and Notes from the game: Washington proved to be such a formidable and feared opponent that Indianapolis Quarterback Peyton Manning declined even to make the flight to Canton. New Redskins Head Coach Jim Zorn will go down in the history books as enjoying an undefeated career coaching record. All other NFL teams were idle this week. Former Hawaii standout Colt Brennan threw 2 TD's and looked impressive (against a 4th string defense) in the win.

CORRECTION: Brett Favre was not mentioned in this story. The editors apologize for this unfortunate oversight. (CONTINUE READING)

Numbers Speak Louder Than Words

8 years. That's how long former wide receiver Art Monk had to wait before being elected to the NFL Hall of Fame Saturday in Canton. The quiet possession receiver spent all but two of his sixteen years in Washington earning three Super Bowl titles for the Redskins.

The uninformed observer would have to conclude that if seven ballots had passed Monk by it must have been due to a sub-par career. Since Monk was never much for speaking his mind, allow his career numbers to do the talking:

• 940 catches
• 12,721 yds
• 13.5 avg per catch
• 68 TD (7 Super Bowl TD's)
• 3 Pro Bowls. 3 Super Bowls.

Wait a tick, those numbers sound pretty good! So good in fact that Monk has more receiving yards than nine other hall of fame wide outs, and more than double the number of receptions than several others. At one time he held NFL records for most receptions in a single season and most consecutive games with a catch (183). And by the way, the teams he played on were, for the most part, run-oriented offenses that required more downfield blocking than slick pass patterns.

Bypassing Mr. Monk for the Hall is the sort of injustice seen only a few times in our history: the civil rights movement, woman's suffrage, and the absence of Nickelback in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Regardless, he's finally in. When he was introduced, the mostly partisan Redskins crowd honored Art with a four minute-plus standing ovation. Third string SportsCenter anchor Dari Nowkhah began his Art Monk story with this gem of an intro: "Madonna and Justin Timberlake only had 4 minutes to save the world, Art Monk had 4 minutes of cheering." Solid writing!

But after patiently and quietly waiting eight years to join the elite club I'm sure he didn't mind another four minutes of applause from burgundy and gold-clad fans. (CONTINUE READING)

Packers to Open QB Competition. Vegas Odds: Brian Brohm a 5000:1 Underdog

Well if Wendi Nix's ESPN report turns out to be true it looks like the Brett Favre saga just took a turn for the better. For me. For everyone in the Packers organization? Not so much. Nix has sources confirm that after his reinstatement, Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers will compete in training camp for the starting job.

As a response to the report, ESPN's Kevin Seifert penned this article. In it he asks the question, "will this be a fair competition for Favre?" Seifert makes his point by concluding that it'll be impossible for head coach Mike McCarthy to do a 180 on the stance he's made all off-season, "We're moving forward, Aaron Rodgers is our quarterback." But isn't doing a 180 embedded into any coach's DNA?

No other job in the world features more U-turns than coaching. Whether it's Bill Belicheck's injury reports, Nick Saban's unexpected vanishing act, or any statement made about trade rumors, coaches are notorious flip-floppers. So I agree with Seifert that the competition will be unfair; for Rodgers.

If it wasn't for his false retirement this wouldn't even be a question. Favre is the starter, and Rodgers sits on the pine. Last year, greybeard had one of his best years ever. He threw 28 TDs for over 4,000 yards, with a completion percentage of 66.5%, his best ever. He's not injured and he isn't in some sort of contract year. There's no reason to think he wouldn't come out and put up the same numbers. So how does Rodgers even have a shot at the starters job?

The Packers, if the reports are accurate, feel they have no other choice but to let Favre play for them. Favre, from day one, knew he wanted to play, and wasn't going anywhere but the Packers or the Vikings. Seeing as the latter is not even remotely an option, the Packers had to let him come back. And even though they say it's a competition, the option of having Favre, in his prime at the young age of 38, be a backup; is just as scary as him playing for the Vikings.

Rodgers wouldn't stand a chance. Anything short of Tom Brady in Cheeseland and he immediately will feel number four towering over him. With every interception and every errant pass, more and more Packers fans will stop watching the field, and start watching the sidelines. Seeing as he's never started a game in the NFL, I'd say chances are very good he has a rocky season. Adequate is a possibility, good is a stretch, and great is improbable. Even if Rodgers is the next Steve Young, even Young didn't win a QB competition with Joe Montana. (CONTINUE READING)

Steve Smith Stiff-Arms Starter's Seeing Socket. (With his fist)

Well the wide receiver battle in Carolina just got a little more interesting. According to a report by ESPN, star WR Steve Smith has been sent home from training camp for clocking cornerback Ken Lucas in the eyeball. Dustups like this are a fairly regular occurrence during training camp, because tensions are tight with guys trying to earn a paycheck in the fall, and others battling for position. This however was something completely different.

The incident occurred on the sidelines while both Smith and Lucas were sitting out a special teams drill. From all reports it seems it was the boiling over of already bad blood between the two starters. Smith, a bit of a hothead, has jawed with Lucas since he arrived in Charlotte in 2002. But the cause of the fight, whether it was over a dirty play, or who ate the last pint of Bojangles dirty rice, isn't what matters. 

The consequences here could be detrimental to a team who needs every win they can get in order to make the playoffs. Under CBA rules, Smith could be out four games for conduct detrimental to the team. With already lingering questions under center with Delhomme's rehab and two very young running backs taking the handoffs from him, the Panthers need Smith starting come game one. A receiving corp with Moose Muhammed and D.J. Hackett alone is an average group, but with Smith in the mix, they are one of the best. 

The worldwide leader has more.

(CONTINUE READING)

Maddening Nation

Tired of Brett Favre yet? Well let me squeeze in one more #4 fun fact. A report by The Sporting News showed that in a Madden '09 simulation Aaron Rodgers out performed Favre. With Favre the Packers were 9-7, with Rodgers 12-4, Favre has a completion percentage of who the hell cares? Does anyone put any validity whatsoever into a video game simulation? 

If I was at a sports bar arguing the Favre problem with a buddy and he brought up, "Well Favre only had a 9-7 record in the Madden simulation," I would strike him with my pimping cane. I carry one for just such an occasion.

But in all seriousness, I have never seen anyone read the results of these tests with any more of a reaction than "Oh, that's cool I guess." More and more, be it the NCAA tournament, the NFL playoffs, or a NASCAR race, these video game simulations are being used by Half-time show hacks and ESPN robots. Even when the smoothest of commentators are asked to use them, they often are tripped up as to what to say afterwards. Take this fake conversation between Billy Packer and Jim Nantz for example,

JIM:  "Wow, Bethune-Cookman really gave a beating to Duke in the NCAA Basketball '09 simulation. What do you think about that Billy?" 

BILLY: "You know what? Just go ahead and fire me, I don't need this crap." 

I suppose it's only a matter of time before we just give in to the EA Sports Illuminati, shove the athletes to the side, and just have Sirus the Virus and Marc Dog from "Madden Nation," determine the Super Bowl. In fact, as I'm typing this, Vegas has already posted Sirus the Virus as the favorite with 5:2 odds. 

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Move Over Al, There's a New Sheriff of Crazytown

So, for quite sometime now, Al Davis has been the unchallenged King of eccentric NFL owners. Sure Dan Snyder spends way too much money, and Jerry Jones is kinda pompous, but neither come close to the jogging suit juggernaut. With his meddling ways, his living in the past management styles, and his current cold war against coach Lane Kiffin, Davis reigns supreme. But maybe not for long.

>

The Palm Beach Post reports that conservative talk-show host, Rush Limbaugh, is interested in buying the St. Louis Rams if they come up for sale; which is a real possibility. The pill popping pontificator did tell KMOX radio in St. Louis that NFL ownership is a "billionaires club" and that he isn't quite in that range. But I think all it would take to push him over the edge is a couple pleas to loyal listeners to buy more of those hot dogs he loves so much.  

More to read at The Palm Beach Post

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Just a Little Bit of History Repeating

Every year it happens. Some perennial loser will get themselves all pumped during two-a-days, when all the players are sitting around the training camp-fire, holding hands and singing kumabaya. "We really like the way our young quarterback is progressing," they proclaim. "The offensive line is really starting to gel," they tell us. But best of all, just like Bills wide receiver Lee Evans did, they will exclaim "We feel like even though we have a young team, we have guys who have been out there and played, and gotten a lot of experience." Excuse me?

This is not a knock on Evans, I mean he was just reciting the memo. You know the one that every non-playoff team receives at the start of the year. "We're young, but hey we played last year right?" Just like choir-boy Kitna did last year when he proclaimed the Lions would win 10 games. Oh sure, it started off smooth. A 6-2 record heading into November and looked like Samson and the Lions would walk into the playoffs.

But then it him them like it does every year. Wait, what are we doing here? We're the Lions for crying out loud. We couldn't even win with Barry freaking Sanders. But were 6-2 right? We're good , we're good. BAM! they lose 7 of 8 and miss the playoff by a mile.

So here we have the Bills, sitting in the same place as the '07 Lions. But, hey maybe the stars are just aligning this year. Maybe Marshawn Lynch carries over the success of his rookie season behind the line. Maybe Trent Edwards is the future signal caller they've been looking for. Maybe draft pick Leodis McKelvin fills a serious need at cornerback, and the defense "gels." Maybe. They did go to the Super Bowl four times in a row with Kelly, so it's not like there's a precedent for hitting the wall and chok....okay bad example. But who know right? The AFC East is a one team division right now, and the Bills do have a pretty cake out of division schedule. An injury to Brady here, a perfect home record there, and maybe just maybe they sneak into the playoffs. But I wouldn't put my dollars on the Bills just yet.

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Wisconsin Mudslide

Seeing as I've only managed to write about The Green Bay Packers up until this point, one might assume I'm a Packers fan. However, a cheese-head I am not. I put my allegiance with the mighty Miami Dolphins (you can laugh now). But as a Dolphins fan, I know all too well what it's like to fall from grace with a few missteps by management. Oh how I pine for the days of Jimmy Johnson and even the mustachioed one himself: Dave Wannstedt. We would make the playoffs every year and typically field a decent team that could never quite go the distance. Sadly I am also a huge supporter of N.C. State; whose basketball team, once a bastion of championships and greatness, lost to ECU and The University of New Orlean; finishing in last place in the ACC. Once a perennial NCAA tourney attendee under Sendek, we pushed him away for a return to former glory.

I think by now you can see what I'm getting at. With the announcement today that The Green Bay Packers have offered their star running back Ryan Grant a paltry $1.75 million in guaranteed money, an offer Grant called "insulting and an absolute joke" it's only time before the Packers join the Dolphins and Wolfpack in the turn back time machine.

My argument in the Brett Favre situation has been the same from day one: if he wants to come back, you take his ass back and say thank you. With Favre last year, The Packers were one of the best teams in the NFC. They were a serious contender to win it all and produced one of the better offenses in the NFL. But aside from Favre and an aging Donald Driver, who could you name from that offense before the year started? Favre made all those young talented guys reach their potential with his leadership and cannon of an arm.

So you're telling me The Packers are willing to give all that up just because they're mildly irritated that Favre can't make up his mind in a timely fashion? I have absolutely nothing against Aaron Rodgers, but to think that a late first round draft pick is going to be able to just step-in and pick-up from where Favre left off is absurd. I seem to remember at the time of that draft, Rodgers was considered equal to Alex Smith in terms of QB prospects. Smith might not even be the starter come game one this year in San Fran.

I know, I know, they're building for the future and want to see what Rodgers is made of. But the NFL is a win now, rebuild later league. Outside of Foxboro, your window of opportunity for The Super Bowl is extremely small. With Favre, The Packers have a one or two more championship contention years. With Rodgers, they have one or two years of growing pains. Sorry Aaron, but you'll have to wait your turn just a little but longer.

From CNNSI: Favre faxes actual letter of reinstatement. (Hours after mine, mind you)

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