The End of Week 1 and Parcells Still Hasn't Cut Us!

Yay to us. We've made it through the inaugural week of the Wet, Hot, American Sports experiment. The results so far? Pretty much as expected. We gave you tons of nuggets o' information coupled with comedy stylings and then trickled off at the end of the week when we got too drunk to write posts. 

I managed to stumble out a few hang-over posts below, to round out the week, but Phil is still passed-out in the corner spooning my dog, Mr. Pickles. But rest assured, I poked him with a stick an hour earlier and he managed to mumble something about truckloads of posts on the weekend.

The weekly lineup and Phil's growing problem after the  jump.

Next week we'll debut our weekly lineup, a hodgepodge of sports knowledge and fun that starts on Monday with Dear Mr. Fantasy, where I will fulfill all your fantasy football desires. On Tuesday I return with the Tuesday Ten, a sure to be controversial list of ten sports related whatever I feel likes. 

On Wednesday, Phil awakens from his Hypnotiq hangover and brings you The Stat Machine, a collection of weird and wonderful sports statistics. If he hasn't clogged up his keyboard with vomit, he'll be writing a Letter to the Fans on Thursday, a celebration of all things in the world of fandom. 

After he has fully recovered from alcoholism, Phil will be doing it all over again on Friday, but this time for the sake of blogging science. We'll be reading your mail and answering your questions. Probably while taking keg stands in the bathroom. As long as I hold his legs, Phil can still type with his hands that way. 

The topical posts that you have seen this first week will continue, but just with the added support of the Weekly Lineup. I hope everyone enjoyed the first week, but expect the second one to be even better! Now if you'll excuse me I have to feed Mr. Pickles. I take it as a sign of hunger when he's licked all the hair off Phil's nipples. 

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Lebrons's Love of Baklava Might Change Landscape of NBA

So I don't usually like to toot on my horn, but toot toot baby. So far this week I've mailed in Brett Favre's reinstatement letter for him hours before his actual fax, pointed out Michelle Wie's mental game weaknesses before a late collapse does her in this week, and now we get this story by Ian Thomsen of CNNSI: "Greek Team may take run at LeBron in 2010."

I will admit though, when I penned this little gem, I never believed that Europe was even close to making a run at an NBA starter, let alone the biggest star in the league. I was merely offering advice to David Stern, to sit back, take a look at what's going on, and try to come up with a long term solution. But if this rumor has any wings, Stern better kick it up a notch and start inciting fascist coups in opposing countries. While of course that's a ridiculous notion, the prospect of losing King James to a country with an actual monarchy has to be widening the skidmarks on Stern's already soiled britches.  

Something like this happening has always been quickly dismissed because the revenue gap between European teams and NBA teams is like the gap between Wal-Mart and K-Mart. No fiscal jockey could ever approve of the spending it would take to lure James. But as pointed out during the Josh Childress move, the owners of teams like Olympiakos, who bought Childress and are luring Lebron, couldn't care less about the bottom dollar. They're out to spend their money like it's Diddy's birthday. 

So what would happen if Olympiakos, just for the thrill of it, threw a huge amount of money in Lebron's face just to see what would happen? Because if there's one thing rich people like to do with their money, it's upstage other rich people. 

Would anyone call the Greek's bluff? I know the Cavs wouldn't. They're already in trouble of losing him because they won't shell out the dough to get him a high caliber wingman. (The Pippen to his Jordan, if you like.) So who then? Don't even look in the direction of the other small market teams, they barely stay afloat as it is. But what about the big market teams? Chicago's already cash-strapped, Miami will be by the time 2010 rolls around, D.C. just threw the vault at gimpy Gilbert, Boston's overloaded, and LA can't possibly afford Bryant, Gasol, and James. 

So that leaves us with New York. But the Knicks just finished a horrible run on the Isaiah train. As much as Bron Bron would energize a starving fanbase, I just don't think James Dolan's accountants would let him get  anywhere near that deal right now.  Which is why the logical choice is the soon to be Brooklyn Nets. Not that they could fiscally justify it, but because it's a matter of pride. For the sake of the reputation of his country the almighty Jiggaman will save the NBA. 

Jay-Z, inspired by a zeal to kick some Greek ass, will pen "The Lebron Chronicles," the greatest rap LP ever conceived. After this all other rappers will stop honing their craft any further as they have nowhere to go but down, and Jay-Z will virtually force everyone in the country to buy the historical album. He will then deliver a giant Cristal bottle filled with ten thousand dollar bills to Lebron's home in Cleveland, with a note that says "See you in the Bronx.  -Jigga" Yeah that's pretty much how it's gonna go down. While all of this might sound ridiculous and contrived, I was right about three other things this week, so you never know, right?

Ian Thomsen's little gem. 

  

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Wieminiscent

As was fully expected, teen chokesation Michelle Wie had a late collapse Friday at the Reno-Tahoe Open to miss the cut by about ten strokes. On Thursday, she shot a one over 73, within ones stroke of the projected cut of even par. She looked like the Wie of old, when she was in her prime at the tender age of 12.

But then the Wie that we've all come to know and love showed up. Promising through the front nine, a quintuple bogey  9 on the eighth hole sent her spiraling to a score of 80. SIDE NOTE: If shooting an 8 on a hole is called a snowman, what's a 9? A paraplegic snowman?

Her showing in the Reno Tahoe Open is classic Michelle Wie. Not because she failed to make the cut again, but because you could see the physical tools on display, while the mental ones get left in the clubhouse. As I said earlier this week, Wie's decision to hop around tours and play with competitors she isn't on par with is seriously hurting her mental game. Even in a weak field by PGA standards, she was seriously out of her league. Parker McLachlin, who sounds like he should be both partners at a law-firm, shot a course record tying 62 to take a 14 under clubhouse lead into the weekend.

This brings up a point of contention that until I now, never really occurred to me. What if she does make the cut at the Reno-Tahoe Open? Obviously not this years of course, but what about the '09 version? Or the Lincoln Financial FDR Open, or the Bob Jones Jimmy Dean Sausage Links Invitational or any other less-than tournament? Would it be an asterisk worthy accomplishment? Does barely beating Jason Dufner(a real player, I swear) truly put her in line with Babe Z. SIDE NOTE 2: Why hasn't Jimmy Dean Sausage Links actually sponsored a tournament, it seems like this would be a natural fit.

Right now, we're all too distracted watching the circus that is the Michelle Wie choke machine to seriously ask this question. But as long as the circus keeps on getting better, people are still going to buy tickets, so expect the sponsor exemptions to keep coming in, where the merit of this debate will continue to grow.

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Steve Smith Stiff-Arms Starter's Seeing Socket. (With his fist)

Well the wide receiver battle in Carolina just got a little more interesting. According to a report by ESPN, star WR Steve Smith has been sent home from training camp for clocking cornerback Ken Lucas in the eyeball. Dustups like this are a fairly regular occurrence during training camp, because tensions are tight with guys trying to earn a paycheck in the fall, and others battling for position. This however was something completely different.

The incident occurred on the sidelines while both Smith and Lucas were sitting out a special teams drill. From all reports it seems it was the boiling over of already bad blood between the two starters. Smith, a bit of a hothead, has jawed with Lucas since he arrived in Charlotte in 2002. But the cause of the fight, whether it was over a dirty play, or who ate the last pint of Bojangles dirty rice, isn't what matters. 

The consequences here could be detrimental to a team who needs every win they can get in order to make the playoffs. Under CBA rules, Smith could be out four games for conduct detrimental to the team. With already lingering questions under center with Delhomme's rehab and two very young running backs taking the handoffs from him, the Panthers need Smith starting come game one. A receiving corp with Moose Muhammed and D.J. Hackett alone is an average group, but with Smith in the mix, they are one of the best. 

The worldwide leader has more.

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