Breaking News: Ron Artest Is Still Ghetto

Well Houston, it looks like you have a problem. When asked about his team's trade for Ron Artest, Chinese Skyscraper Yao Ming said, "Hopefully he isn't fighting anymore and going after a guy in the stands." I think this is a fair concern. Whether it's a just a little joke, which is what I guess it is, or a serious assertion, Ming has a point.

But Artest isn't joking. He thinks Yao simply bought into all the "the propaganda" about him. When asked to explain, the punching Pacer had this to say, 

"I understand what Yao said but I'm still ghetto. That's not going to change. I'm never going to change my culture. I don't think he's ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture."

You have got to be kidding me. Look I'm not black, and I don't claim to be a great socio-political pundit but I think I'm safe when I say Ron Artest will not be called to have dinner with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson anytime soon to discuss the state of the black community. He later goes on to say that after the brawl he "never changed" and was just defending his culture.

But nobody is trying to make you be somebody else Ron, they just want you to act with a little more grace considering the position you're in. Athletes and celebrities are paid ungodly amounts of money on one condition; keep up a good public image. Anything else, and the American people will take all that away from you. Just ask Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, who are finding work difficult to come by these days. But besides that, I don't care what your race, culture, or creed is, inciting riots and generally acting like a self-absorbed asshole is a representation of no one other than yourself.

Story courtesy of ESPN.com  

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Manny to L.A., Boston says "Yay"

Surprise! Manny didn't get traded to the Marlins, but he was dealt, and just minutes before the deadline today. A three team trade was in the works to send Jason Bay to Boston from Pittsburgh, and Manny to the Marlins. The Pirates blame the Marlins for failing to get the deal done, the Marlins blame Boston.

The Dodgers jumped into the mix and threw together a deal just in time. So Manny will wear blue and move to the National League and Boston is relieved of an awkward situation in which Ramirez was publicly frustrated.

Jason Bay hitting 3rd in Boston's lineup with David Ortiz behind...not a pretty site to opposing pitchers. Manny was obviously a stellar player but "personality differences" led Boston to desperately ship him out to the west coast. Bay is an all-star caliber player who is suddenly thrust into a major playoff contender. Look for him to have a stellar remainder of the year.

What will be of Boston without Manny? I personally like that crazy son of a bitch. He's hilarious and he always has fun playing the game. On the other hand, he's insane and frustrates the crap out of you if you're his coach. Not a great attribute. Either way, Boston will suffer for losing him. He's one of the greatest hitters EVER. A playoff spot this year may be missed for Boston as a result of purging Manny.

Ken Griffey Jr. moves again, this time to the White Sox. You partially want to root on Chicago to get Griffey into the Series, but then you remember it's the White Sox. Break a leg Kenny! Oh wait...don't do that again. (CONTINUE READING)

Maddening Nation

Tired of Brett Favre yet? Well let me squeeze in one more #4 fun fact. A report by The Sporting News showed that in a Madden '09 simulation Aaron Rodgers out performed Favre. With Favre the Packers were 9-7, with Rodgers 12-4, Favre has a completion percentage of who the hell cares? Does anyone put any validity whatsoever into a video game simulation? 

If I was at a sports bar arguing the Favre problem with a buddy and he brought up, "Well Favre only had a 9-7 record in the Madden simulation," I would strike him with my pimping cane. I carry one for just such an occasion.

But in all seriousness, I have never seen anyone read the results of these tests with any more of a reaction than "Oh, that's cool I guess." More and more, be it the NCAA tournament, the NFL playoffs, or a NASCAR race, these video game simulations are being used by Half-time show hacks and ESPN robots. Even when the smoothest of commentators are asked to use them, they often are tripped up as to what to say afterwards. Take this fake conversation between Billy Packer and Jim Nantz for example,

JIM:  "Wow, Bethune-Cookman really gave a beating to Duke in the NCAA Basketball '09 simulation. What do you think about that Billy?" 

BILLY: "You know what? Just go ahead and fire me, I don't need this crap." 

I suppose it's only a matter of time before we just give in to the EA Sports Illuminati, shove the athletes to the side, and just have Sirus the Virus and Marc Dog from "Madden Nation," determine the Super Bowl. In fact, as I'm typing this, Vegas has already posted Sirus the Virus as the favorite with 5:2 odds. 

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Move Over Al, There's a New Sheriff of Crazytown

So, for quite sometime now, Al Davis has been the unchallenged King of eccentric NFL owners. Sure Dan Snyder spends way too much money, and Jerry Jones is kinda pompous, but neither come close to the jogging suit juggernaut. With his meddling ways, his living in the past management styles, and his current cold war against coach Lane Kiffin, Davis reigns supreme. But maybe not for long.

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The Palm Beach Post reports that conservative talk-show host, Rush Limbaugh, is interested in buying the St. Louis Rams if they come up for sale; which is a real possibility. The pill popping pontificator did tell KMOX radio in St. Louis that NFL ownership is a "billionaires club" and that he isn't quite in that range. But I think all it would take to push him over the edge is a couple pleas to loyal listeners to buy more of those hot dogs he loves so much.  

More to read at The Palm Beach Post

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Penn State: Linebacker U or Lineup U?

This news is slightly old, but shocking nonetheless. In an "Outside the Lines" report on Sunday, ESPN put a spanking to Joe Pa and the Nittany Lions. The show reported that since '02 Penn State football players have been charged with 163 criminal complaints among 46 players. Among those complaints, 45 were guilty pleas. The most shocking statistic; it's getting worse.

In '07, 17 players were charged with 72 crimes. For the non-mensan among us, that's over four crimes each. There are chapters of the Crips and Bloods who don't have crime rates that high. When there's problems like this, the fingers start pointing, and most of them are poking Paterno right in the gut. Asked about an intercepted text message containing an order from him, to disrupt the university's judicial affairs department's business, Paterno said he doesn't know how to text, and "I don't even own a computer."

I don't dispute that Paterno is technologically challenged, he gave the same answer not too long ago in regards to new recruiting processes. But I do think the man is perfectly capable of giving an order to an athletics department intern who knows how to spell his name. Joe Paterno is one of the greatest college football coaches ever, and an icon in the sport, but recently a lack of production on the field has the fanbase pushing him out the door. But it looks like his lack of production off the field is what will finally slam it shut.

More words at the Pittsburgh-Post Gazette

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AskMen, Get Dumb Answer

Everybody loves a top ten list! I should know, starting next Tuesday (warning shameless plug coming) I'll be writing the first edition of our Tuesday Ten list. I can only hope my list is a little better than Malcolm McMillan's. 

The writer for AskMen.com put together a top ten list of the "Ten Losingest Sports Cities." Which is a dumb list to begin with. For one, "losingest" isn't even a real world. Secondly, why put a list together just to rub salt in an open wound? But, like my grandma always said, "if you're going to poke someone, do it in the eye." So at least get the stupid thing right.

Looking at the bottom of the list it seems the Buffalo Bills can't catch a break today. How can a team that did what no other team in the history of any sport could, lose four championship games in a row, only be number ten? At least give the great fans of Buffalo some sort of accomplishment. But then again, if a city is really that bad, does not even putting it on a loser list justify the loser tag even more? 

Moving up to number eight, he has Raleigh/Durh.....Raleigh/Charlotte? I've seen my beloved hometown paired with any number of cities; Durham, Chapel Hill, Cary, but this is a first. Raleigh and Charlotte are over three hours driving distance apart. It's like lumping together Orlando and Miami. Although I'm kinda hungry right now and Oriami sounds like an Asian dish I have to eat sometime.

Then at seven, we have the woeful Indianapolis Colts. Who haven't won a championship in almost two whole years. I don't care what you did in the past, getting over the hump and winning it all grants a city at least a five year window of immunity. The Boston Red Sox didn't win for nearly a century, but I don't see anyone lining up to call them losers now. Not to mention that Indy only has two pro teams, and Philadelphia, with four loser franchises didn't even make the cut.  

The Sonic-less Seattelites can rest easy because their team didn't even make it to the top three despite no championships between three teams, and two instances of owners bolting the city. (Which should be bonus points towards the total) Sitting pretty at number four, they were bumped in favor of the number two team Nashville/ Memphis. Again with the clumping of cities in the same state. You know what the first thing that comes up when you type "memphis nashville" into Google? You get flights from Memphis to Nashville. That's a heck of a commute. And how do cities that have three past decade expansion teams even come close to making this list?

But the biggest turd in the bowl has to be New Orleans at number one. And what reason does McMillan give for their spot atop the list? The "'Aint's" reputation pre-Brees? The crappy, all be it along time ago, New Orleans Jazz? The evil George Shin led Hornets? Nope, he had this to say,

"When a city's crowning sports moment is winning a regular season football game after Hurricane Katrina, it's not a good sign. Sure that famous moment breathed life into a devastated city, but a championship never has,"

The Saints winning that game was an emotional achievement for the city and the country, but hardly a sports achievement. If you want sports accomplishment since Katrina, how about the Hornets having the best record in the NBA for most of  last season, or the aforementioned Saints team going on to the NFC title game? Blaming the city for overcoming disaster and winning a game in a tattered Super Dome, which seems to be the crux of your argument, is just dirty pool mister. My grandma might have told me to poke them in the eye Malcolm, but you my friend have put on your steel-toed boot and kicked New Orleans square in the nuts. 

The infamous list at AskMen.com

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It's Pat!

You've heard of testing for performance-enhancing drugs, right? Olympic officials have been working for over a year to design a lab equipped to test an athlete's gender. Who knew there were that many dude's trying to compete in women's sports?

"Suspected athletes will be evaluated from their external appearances by experts and undergo blood tests to examine their sex hormones, genes and chromosomes for sex determination," says Professor Tian Qinjie..."The aim is to protect fairness at the games while also protecting the rights of people with abnormal sexual development," he says.

You might be wondering, who will these 'experts' be who will evaluate the suspected athletes' external appearances? Why none other than TV's David Hasselhoff of course. He'll be responsible for inspecting each woman's genitals and trying to seduce them. If the athlete becomes smitten they are cleared of any wrongdoing, because as you know, no woman can resist the Hoff.

The United Kingdom's "Guardian" has more. (CONTINUE READING)

Just a Little Bit of History Repeating

Every year it happens. Some perennial loser will get themselves all pumped during two-a-days, when all the players are sitting around the training camp-fire, holding hands and singing kumabaya. "We really like the way our young quarterback is progressing," they proclaim. "The offensive line is really starting to gel," they tell us. But best of all, just like Bills wide receiver Lee Evans did, they will exclaim "We feel like even though we have a young team, we have guys who have been out there and played, and gotten a lot of experience." Excuse me?

This is not a knock on Evans, I mean he was just reciting the memo. You know the one that every non-playoff team receives at the start of the year. "We're young, but hey we played last year right?" Just like choir-boy Kitna did last year when he proclaimed the Lions would win 10 games. Oh sure, it started off smooth. A 6-2 record heading into November and looked like Samson and the Lions would walk into the playoffs.

But then it him them like it does every year. Wait, what are we doing here? We're the Lions for crying out loud. We couldn't even win with Barry freaking Sanders. But were 6-2 right? We're good , we're good. BAM! they lose 7 of 8 and miss the playoff by a mile.

So here we have the Bills, sitting in the same place as the '07 Lions. But, hey maybe the stars are just aligning this year. Maybe Marshawn Lynch carries over the success of his rookie season behind the line. Maybe Trent Edwards is the future signal caller they've been looking for. Maybe draft pick Leodis McKelvin fills a serious need at cornerback, and the defense "gels." Maybe. They did go to the Super Bowl four times in a row with Kelly, so it's not like there's a precedent for hitting the wall and chok....okay bad example. But who know right? The AFC East is a one team division right now, and the Bills do have a pretty cake out of division schedule. An injury to Brady here, a perfect home record there, and maybe just maybe they sneak into the playoffs. But I wouldn't put my dollars on the Bills just yet.

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And Man Ram? Man Ram So Far Away?

ESPN's Buster Olney now says there's "better than a 50/50 chance a deal gets done on Thursday."

Manny Ramirez has been paving the way for an exit from Boston for the past few days. His comments to the media have ranged from, "If Boston gets a good deal for me, they should do it, but if not I want to stay and help the team," to, "My mental happiness is priceless and I don't have any mental happiness in Boston."


It looks like the Sox are willing to give up an important offensive weapon to the Marlins. Why dump Manny? Lets just say he spends an awful lot of time doing things described as "just Manny being Manny."

In honor of Manny's impending departure to south Florida, here's just one of many Manny moments. Yes, this was DURING a game, the man is wacky!


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Gilbert Arenas is Swimming in Wealth

Washington Wizards' Agent Zero had a very small stash of money and decided to build an extremely modest swimming pool. Here are some pics of his work in progress, click each one for the full size version:







Supposedly the stone used cost half a million dollars alone. It's widely believed that when complete this will be one of the largest residential pools in America. And he's not even practicing to be an Olympic synchronized swimmer. What a waste!

For more visit the D.C. Sports Bog. (CONTINUE READING)

Trading Spaces

MLB teams have less than 24 hours before the trade deadline which always makes for good live drama. Since so many games are played each and every day, and trades often happening DURING a game, it's not uncommon to hear of players getting yanked off the field in the middle of a game because a trade has just been finalized.



So keep an eye especially on tonight's action as another late trade or two is certain to take place. A few trade rumors include Pittsburgh's Jason Bay to Tampa and Boston's troubled personality Manny Ramirez possibly in talks to move to the Marlins. We'll keep an eye out. (CONTINUE READING)

Yankees Trade For Mini-Pudge

This post is far less an informative study of today's New York trade as it is a chance to remind folks who mini-Pudge is. First the news:

The New York Yankees traded pitcher Kyle Farnsworth for Detroit catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez. With Yankee catcher Jorge Posada going down with injury at a crucial time of the season it was no secret the Yanks were on the prowl for a catcher. It's a mediocre trade that should slightly benefit New York, although today's Rodriguez is nowhere near productive as he was in his early years, both offensively and defensively.

Now on to mini-Pudge. You see, before the steroid era and the Mitchell Report, Ivan Rodriguez was a power-hitting catcher with a giant Barry Bonds sized noggin. He was huge. Mysteriously, after steroid-use became taboo and testing became more prevalent, Pudge Rodriguez became "mini-Pudge." The evidence after the jump.





See what I mean? His miniaturization literally happened over one short offseason. I remember him showing up for Spring Training the next year and thinking that he drank some sort of Beetlejuice-like head shrinking potion.

Now I'm not saying he was a steroid user just because his head shrank. I'm just pointing out that...oh who are we kidding, yeah that's what I'm saying.

I feel bad for pitcher Kyle Farnsworth who was traded out of NY for Rodriguez. He actually cried today during an on-camera interview about the trade. When he first came to the big apple he couldn't stop talking about how excited he was to be a Yankee and how we wanted to stay for several years. So much for that. Listen Kyle, it's like getting a transfer out of the Death Star. You're back among the good guys. (CONTINUE READING)

Clearing the Smog, Vol. I: Getting to know the U.S. Olympic Synchronized Swimming Team

From now until the closing ceremonies, WHAS will run a piece called "Clearing the Smog: Getting to know US Olympians." In this feature we will highlight some of the athletes representing the Red White and Blue in the upcoming Beijing Olympics. This way when you're throwing down PBR's with your buddies watching the high jump. You'll be able to extol useful knowledge like, "Did you know Jesse Williams once ate cat food on his neighbors porch?" More on that later on down the road, for today I present to you:

The US Olympic Synchronized Swimming Team

The members: (In no particular order, since I can't tell them apart) Brooke Abel, Janet Culp, Kate Hooven, Christina Jones, Becky Kim, Andrea Nott, Annabelle Orme, Jillian Penner, Kim Probst, and alternate Meghan Kinney.
  

• Amazingly, none of these girls are related. There was almost a set of twins, but member Janet Culp's twin sister Jennie couldn't recover from shoulder surgery in time to qualify. Doublemint executives are extremely disappointed.
  

• Kate Hooven and Becky Kim both attended OSU where they won three gold medals at the '04 collegiate national championships. Yet another reason to hate the Buckeyes UM fans.
  

• According to NBC.com, Annabelle Orme, "attended Diablo Valley Community College for a semester, but ultimately decided to put off her studies until after the Olympics." Thank you Annabelle, you are a true American hero.  
  

• Don't expect to find these girls at your Frat Party. Various members hobbies include: wood whittling, doing puzzles, making banana bread, and dentistry. The only list more wholesome than this is that of the Amish SkyDiving Team, "The Jumping Jehovah's."
  

• It's not a wussy chick sport. In May four members of the Seattle Synchronized Swim Team simultaneously lost consciousness while practicing a routine. No cause has yet to be determined, but a team spokesperson confirmed that "March of the Pigs" by Nine Inch Nails will no longer be their accompanying music for this routine.
  

• And if none of that convinced you to check out synchronized swimming maybe this picture of the Russian pairs team will help:
  

NBC.com has all the facts. Especially about The Olympics. (CONTINUE READING)

Oh Say Can You Sing

A lot of folks gripe about our national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner." Personally I'm with Ron Burgundy on this one, "Use Me" by Bill Withers would be a much better choice. But the SSB, with it's impossible melody and strange rhythm may be a chore to get through; but you still have to admit the writing is fantastic. Purple mountain majesty? Amber waves of grain? Ramparts? No wonder others are jealous of our great nation. After hearing that, who wouldn't want to live here? But even with it's faults the SSB is practically "Stairway to Heaven" compared to some other countries. 

Rick Reilly examines this issue in an article for ESPN.com and the results are nothing short of hilarious. From the Ukrainian's bold assertion that they are indeed still a country, to the Swedes singing about how much they like to drink, there are some seriously ludicrous anthems out there. So bitch all you want about Francis Scott Key being tone-deaf, at least we don't live in Greece where the anthem is 158 verses long. In Greece they don't ask you to stand for the national anthem, they ask you to grab a pillow and get comfy.

Reilly's full story here. 

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Pour Some Haterade On Me

Ah yes, July the 30th. With baseball being the only thing on and the Olympics not starting for another week or so, it's time for the worldwide leader to fill up space. Last year at this time, sparks were flying and the local water holes were abuzz with talk of "Who's More Now." This year, it's all about who's considered "Titletown USA". As stupid and pointless as the "Now" question was, at least it was debatable. For my money, you're wasting your breath on anything more than a toss-up between L.A. and New York with "Titletown."

But from the depths of the entertainment black hole that is late July sports comes a nifty piece by Mark Schlabach at ESPN.com. Maybe it's just cause his name sounds like Mark Schlereth, whom I have a man-crush on, but either way, Schlabach put together a great list of the top ten most hated college football schools. Now there's something I could debate while sipping suds.

For the most part I say Schlabach has the top three nailed down. OSU, USC, and Notre Dame in the top three; you'll get no argument from me on that. The rest of the list is more debatable, but I would agree all those teams deserve a spot. 

But the point I'm trying to make is not about the validity of his list, it's about why ESPN hasn't launched a full campaign about this, rather than silly topics like "Now" and "Titletown." "Who's Being Playa-Hated On the Most," would be a ratings bonanza. Each team up for discussion could have a dramatic feature piece put together that showed them winning titles while set to Lux Aeterna, or some other creepy musical score. Fans can send in videos of them laying the smack down on the contestants, Jim Rome style. And if they branch out and do college basketball, we can get Stuart Scott and Jay Bilas finally go at it with a Duke-Carolina fist-fight. My money's on Bilas by the way, to quote the draft-guru himself, "He's got a bit of a mean streak," and really angry eyes.

So I say Mark Schlabach and his better looking brother from another mother, Schlereth, kick the metrosexual head of programming for ESPN in the balls, and make this thing happen. Otherwise prepare for the inevitable next summer when ESPN brings us topics like "Who Dresses the Snazziest," or "Who's got the Most 'Tude" I'm guessing that one's already in production sadly.

Find Mark Schlabach's full list here at ESPN.com 

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Beijing's Air Quality Improves From "You Gotta Be Kidding Me!" to "Eh...?"

Nope, it's not fog over London. Try smog over Beijing! What better place to hold the world's premiere athletic competitions than one of the most unhealthy, polluted countries in the world!

But alas; there's good news for Olympians. Today it was reported that Beijing's air quality showed "dramatic improvement." Which means that today's air quality is only three times as bad as the worst air quality day in Los Angeles. Yay!



Today's positive finding was unfortunately not a breath of fresh air to all of the marathon runners who've already dropped out of this year's games due to health fears. And some are even planning to throw a costume party:

"Some U.S. athletes are considering wearing masks. New Zealand's athletes have been issued face masks with team equipment. Team managers have advised athletes to wear masks around the Olympic village but not during competition."

I'd love to see a cocky sprinter, with his Jim Carrey-esque breathing mask soaring to victory and screaming "Somebody stop me!"

For your health. The full story here. (CONTINUE READING)

British Ben Berlin Bound?

In what seems to be a scary trend among NBA 6th men, the Chicago Bull's Ben Gordon is reportedly interested in playing a little closer to home. When asked about playing in Europe for possibly more money, Gordon said, "Josh did it. It just depends on what the individual wants or what he can put up with. I'm from London, so it's definitely something that seems like it would be interesting.'"

The Josh referred to is Josh Childress, a stud bench player who left the Atlanta Hawks to play with a Greek team. While I certainly don't blame anyone leaving historically bad Atlanta, I'm afraid Childress may have just opened the floodgates...well at least cracked it a little bit.

I don't think there's any worry that European clubs will be swiping starters anytime soon, but there could be some very thin NBA benches in the next few years. A significant financial gap exists between NBA starters and NBA reserves, and with the dollar down and the euro up, Europeans are finding the time right to offer lucrative salaries to semi-stars. With the addition of extra cash flow, the players get to drop the semi label, and be treated as stars.

There are significant downsides to the move of course. Language barriers, cultural differences, downgraded facilities, and in some cases violent surroundings. But the more players that do defect to the Euro Leagues, the wider the crack in the gate gets, making it even easier for players to make the jump.

In Ben Gordon's case, I think he stays. The Bulls are looking to build a championship team around Derrick Rose, and Gordon would be a pretty nice wing-man for him to have in the coming years, so I think they pay up. As for the rest of the league, only time and the depth of Euro owner's pockets will tell if this is to become a serious issue for David Stern and the NBA.

More on Gordon at The Chicago Daily Herald

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A King's Ransom

There will be partying at The Palms tonight. The Sacaramento Kings, owned by the Mallof brothers, who also own The Palms hotel and casino, just got rid of their unhappy baggage. 

Ron Artest was shipped off to the Houston Rockets for a hell of a return. The price tag for the Punching Pacer? A number one draft pick in '09, a chance to reunite with the annually underrated Bobby Jackson, and the draft rights to unsigned '08 pick Donte Greene. In case you're keeping score at home that's three first round picks. (Jackson was picked 23rd overall in '97) If that wasn't enough there's also "cash considerations" whatever that means.

Don't get me wrong, I like Artest in a Rockets uniform, maybe he can light a playoff fire under Tracy McGrady's sleepy ass. But for a guy the Kings didn't really want and who didn't want to be there I say the regal ones did good.

Full story at ESPN.com 

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Little People, Big Replay

The Little League World Series in August will try out an instant replay system, something that Bud Selig has only so far been talking hypothetically about for Major League Baseball.




Supposedly the system will only be utilized for homeruns or balls near the outfield walls and only will be used to "overturn an obvious wrong." It should be interesting to see how smoothly the system is implemented and how well it works. You can bet Selig and company will be at least keeping an eye on the games to help work out the kinks for a similar future system for MLB.

Full Story from NBC Sports and MSNBC.com. (CONTINUE READING)

Wiediculous!

Has anyone in the history of sports ever tried so hard to fail like Michelle Wie? Once again teeing it up with the men this week at the Reno-Tahoe Open, Wie has forgone the chance to qualify for the final major of the LPGA tournament, the Women's British Open. It's kinda like Kenny Perry's leave of absence at the Open Championship, only if the Open and the US Bank Championships switched fields. Instead of Paddy Harrington and The Shark you get Richard Johnson and Ken Duke.  

While Wie's playing partners for Thursday's round, Scott Sterling and Jimmy Walker, might not be Palmer and Player, playing on the PGA is still more difficult than the LPGA. On a side-note; I am greatly pleased to see that the star of "Good Times" has found work after acting. You could say that I think it's "Dy-no-mite." 

But back to Wie. Three years ago, the LPGA and it's fans alike, had great hope that Michelle Wie would do for their tour what Tiger did for the PGA. Energize the hardcore fan base, bring in new ones, and become a role model for young preppy women. But Michelle had other plans. She didn't just want to be Lady Tiger, she wanted to be Tiger himself.

Like Don Quixote, she went off fighting the valiant fight that had no cause, and had nothing to back it up. She has showed flashes of brilliance that fade away as quickly as they came. Last week at the State Farm Classic, she was in second place going into Sunday, but an unsigned scorecard quickly DQ'd her. Maybe these are the sort of things she would have known if she was to stick to one tour. 

Between random LPGA events, PGA events, and NCAA competitions at Stanford, her Blackberry is going to explode. These are three completely separate tours and levels from one another, each with different formats, and requiring varying styles of play. For a game that is often said to be "90% mental" that's one gigantic burden on the ol' cerebellum. 

So please, Michelle I beg of you, take a deep breath and relax. You have gotten so far ahead of yourself. Stick to the NCAAs for now, and fade into the background for a few years while honing your game. Then you can make your triumphant pro debut on the L-PGA tour where you will no doubt win more majors than Annika Sorenstam ever wished. Then you can tee it up with the boys of the P. Do all that and I would bet even money you become the first woman to make the cut since the legendary Babe Z.  But hey, if not, you can always fall back on the truckloads of money you're sure to make with the Nintendo smash-hit: Michelle Wii Golf. 

More Wie at The Los Angeles Times

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Angels Add Teixeira, Fail to Spell His Name Accurately

The best team in baseball this year just became a little bit better.

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California from Anaheim of the west coast, acquired all-star 1st baseman Mark Teixeira late Tuesday. Teixeira had spent only a year in Atlanta, who traded to get him at last year's trade deadline.

With the addition the Angels beef up their offensive power that already features a terrifying lineup to opposing pitchers, namely, Torii Hunter, Vladimir Guerrero, and Garret Anderson.

The other thing that fans of the franchise will appreciate is the fact that the front office acquired some balls on this one and pulled the trigger on a semi-blockbuster trade to bolster their postseason chances. They've been criticized before for failing to make something happen and improve late in a season.

20 homers, 78 RBI's so far this season for Teixeira. And a last name that sounds nothing like it is spelled. Brett Fav-ra and Mike Shisheffsky would be so proud. (CONTINUE READING)

Wisconsin Mudslide

Seeing as I've only managed to write about The Green Bay Packers up until this point, one might assume I'm a Packers fan. However, a cheese-head I am not. I put my allegiance with the mighty Miami Dolphins (you can laugh now). But as a Dolphins fan, I know all too well what it's like to fall from grace with a few missteps by management. Oh how I pine for the days of Jimmy Johnson and even the mustachioed one himself: Dave Wannstedt. We would make the playoffs every year and typically field a decent team that could never quite go the distance. Sadly I am also a huge supporter of N.C. State; whose basketball team, once a bastion of championships and greatness, lost to ECU and The University of New Orlean; finishing in last place in the ACC. Once a perennial NCAA tourney attendee under Sendek, we pushed him away for a return to former glory.

I think by now you can see what I'm getting at. With the announcement today that The Green Bay Packers have offered their star running back Ryan Grant a paltry $1.75 million in guaranteed money, an offer Grant called "insulting and an absolute joke" it's only time before the Packers join the Dolphins and Wolfpack in the turn back time machine.

My argument in the Brett Favre situation has been the same from day one: if he wants to come back, you take his ass back and say thank you. With Favre last year, The Packers were one of the best teams in the NFC. They were a serious contender to win it all and produced one of the better offenses in the NFL. But aside from Favre and an aging Donald Driver, who could you name from that offense before the year started? Favre made all those young talented guys reach their potential with his leadership and cannon of an arm.

So you're telling me The Packers are willing to give all that up just because they're mildly irritated that Favre can't make up his mind in a timely fashion? I have absolutely nothing against Aaron Rodgers, but to think that a late first round draft pick is going to be able to just step-in and pick-up from where Favre left off is absurd. I seem to remember at the time of that draft, Rodgers was considered equal to Alex Smith in terms of QB prospects. Smith might not even be the starter come game one this year in San Fran.

I know, I know, they're building for the future and want to see what Rodgers is made of. But the NFL is a win now, rebuild later league. Outside of Foxboro, your window of opportunity for The Super Bowl is extremely small. With Favre, The Packers have a one or two more championship contention years. With Rodgers, they have one or two years of growing pains. Sorry Aaron, but you'll have to wait your turn just a little but longer.

From CNNSI: Favre faxes actual letter of reinstatement. (Hours after mine, mind you)

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A Letter to Brett Favre

Dear Brett,

I just wanted to say how much you have meant to me over the years. Your tutelage on the field and off has been an inspiration to me. You are truly one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of our hallowed sport. I have truly enjoyed spending the last three years of my life together with you. You remember that time we went to Krispy Kreme and you got frosting in your grizzly man-beard and I said you looked like Sasquatch on an oral bender? We laughed and laughed. Which is why it pains me to see you treat me like this. Were we not good friends all these years? Did those macrame anklets we made together mean nothing to you? When you wished me the best of luck and told me how special I was going to be, were you just spitting into the wind? Please Brett don't do this to me. I love you man.

Your ankle buddy always,
Aaron Rodgers

A Letter to Aaron Rodgers

Dear A-Rod,

You're right. I am in fact one of the greatest quarterbacks to play the game. Which is why this is so hard for me. You and me really had something special; I'd be the hero and you'd be the hero's little buddy. But what's going on now is just too hard for me to understand. The little buddy can't be the hero. Can you imagine a TV show called 'Robin'? Of course not, it's called 'Batman.' What if instead of people wrasslin' alligators it was the other way around? You just can't upset the order of the Universe. I'm just doing what's right for the both of us.

Aw shucks I'm right close to making myself cry!


Your friend always,
Brett Favre (hero)

A Letter to Brett Favre

Dear Sex Sasquatch,
(JK Brett! Still BFFs?)

Thank you so much for your quick response to my letter. It's nice to get a quick response isn't it? JK! I must say I tend to disagree with you on both points however. I think "Robin" would make a great TV show. Chris O'Donnell once a week? Can you say Emmy!? And Brett, I know the time we spent together has really flown by; but it's been three years. Elway didn't need three years. You only needed one. (Elway started right away, just pointing that out.) Even Philip freaking Rivers didn't need three years. I mean I was picked #24 overall, a huge investment for the organization. Hate to be a Debbie Downer but you were picked #33 overall. Look, you had a good year. We almost made it to the Super Bowl! If Batman almost made it to the Super Bowl, he would retire too Brett.


Your pal,
Aaron Rodgers (starter)

A Letter to Aaron Rodgers

Dear Hot Rod,

Look, we can still be friends but let's tone down the "BFF" talk. My wife is starting to ask questions. And I don't know if you've heard but I've agreed to stay clear of Packers training camp for a couple of days. Nothing personal bro, I just want the boys upstairs to get their shit together and find me a cozy new home. Because they obviously don't want to win this year. If they did they'd put the best quarterback up for the job. Oh, and the fact that you were drafted higher than me is beside the point. You just have higher expectations. It sure don't help that you've got to follow in my Mississippi footsteps. Nobody can sling a ball like me Aaron! And I've been thinking, if I decide to retire again I can go back to acting. Did you see me co-star with Cameron Diaz?? Good luck in cheese town. I'm hittin' the road.


Later friend,
Brett

A Letter to Commissioner Goodell

Dear Rodger,

I would like to formally apply for reinstatement to the NFL. Specifically just to screw with The Green Bay Packers and one Aaron Rodgers. Here's the best part, I just sent him a letter telling him I was retiring again and becoming an actor. Shooot! Can you imagine me as one of them fancy-schmancy LA boys? The only reason I did that part in "Something About Mary," is because Deanna had a crush on Matt Dillon and I forgot to get her an anniversary gift. Well she got her damn gift alright. I'm also writing to inform you that I was the one who tampered with The Packers, not The Vikings. I do a spot-on Childress. I don't plan on playing for any team but The Green Bay Packers and unless they cut me, I will be the starter come week one, you can bet your ass. Prepare the engravings now Mr. Commissioner, cause ol' Brett's gonna win the Super Bowl.

Respectfully,
Brett Favre (Quarterback)

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