Lebron, Kobe, and now D-Wade. Greece Lightning: The 50 million dollar question

They asked Lebron, they asked Kobe, and now their Olympic teammate, Dwayne Wade, was asked the big question. Would you go to Europe if offered fifty million dollars? The overwhelming response from all these players seems to be yes. Again, this is an early discussion, because like Kobe and Lebron, Wade's contract is not up for two years. But this is setting up 2010 to be the most important year for the NBA since the ABA merger in 1976. 

But the most shocking quote to come out of this interview was not that Wade would consider bolting for Greece for the big payday. It's this quote that he offered up when asked about Josh Childress' Greek contract:

"...the way his deal is structured Josh is making just about the same as I am after taxes."

Woah there! You're telling me Dwayne Wade, who put a lowly Marquette team on his back and took them to a Final Four? Dwayne Wade, who led an aging, hurt, Miami Heat team to an upset NBA Championship? That Dwayne Wade, is making as much as, I'm best known for my afro, Josh Childress? I hope David Stern has a firm grip on his synthetic balls, because he's about to get kicked square in them.
There of course is a grain of salt to be taken here though, because any player in the world is going to say yes to entertaining a huge offer from a European team. It's always worth thinking about taking large sums of money; at the very least it keeps NBA owners on their toes, so they'll pony up more money come negotiation time. But the downsides to the European Vacation could be greater than the ups. 

It's silly not to underestimate the drawing power of the history and location of David Stern's league. Leaving the NBA, for the majority of the players, would mean leaving your friends, leaving your family, leaving your culture; leaving home. I would have to think a lot of players would take a pay-cut to not lose all that. 

Then there's also the record books. Leaving for Europe would put a big scar on the player's place in NBA history. Records would come up short, Hall of Fame ballots might not be cast, and ditched franchises would be forever spiteful. These guys grew up watching Bird, Jordan, and Magic, and tried hard their whole lives to one day be able to emulate what those great players did. Giving all that up for a yacht shaped like a bottle of Cristal, might not be worth it. 

But this is also the age of lavish spending, cutting edge style, and international appeal. I mean how would it look to his posse if Josh Childress' Bentley is more fly than D-Wade's? Plus the possibility of being the player who ushers in a new era of global basketball could go down in history as the single greatest player in the sport period; trumping any NBA achievements. 

But that opportunity is only open for one man, so I guess the inevitable question is: who's going to do it? With the foreign-born heritage, the stage he's at in his career, and the adoration he's received in Beijing I have a very good feeling Shaq's gonna have something all new to rap about in 2010.

The story from the South Florida Sun-Sentinel is here

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Clearing the Smog, Vol. V: Getting to know the U.S. Men's Volleyball Team

In case you haven't heard, U.S. Men's Volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon's father in-law was killed, and his mother in-law murdered by a deranged attacker with a knife. All signs point to this being a freak incident, and not an attack on the Olympics or our country. But it is an incredible tragedy nonetheless. Obviously overtaken by grief, McCutcheon stepped down as coach to be with his family. Intrigued by how the team would respond, I stayed up late to watch the men take on Venezuela in their opener. But what began as morbid curiosity quickly turned into a love for the sport of volleyball and this U.S. Olympic squad. So once again I bring you an inspired look into:

The U.S. Olympic Men's Volleyball Team

Tom Hoff: The Captain

Making his third Olympic appearance, the captain was a college all-star. Originally signed by Ohio State, he left the team for Long Beach State his Junior year, even though he was a second team all American and starter for the buckeyes. A reason for all the OSU haters to like this team. At Long Beach he was a two-time all American and set multiple NCAA records while playing for the 49ers. I always thought San Fransisco had a creative name until I just found out they ripped off LBSU.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: In addition to being nicknamed dilly-dally, Hoff is quoted in the article as saying, "Please take me." and "Huge dreams and a minuscule.........scholarship."

Reid Priddy:  The Scoring Machine

The second leading scorer in Athens, Priddy has stepped up his game to be the top scorer for the U.S. in both the '07 World Cup and the '07 World League, where he was also the second highest scorer. Priddy says he started playing volleyball when his high school announced they would be starting a team. Clearly underfunded, Reid and his teammates would shop at thrift shops for "crazy outfits" just to shake things up. Don't worry though, this troubled teen became a born-again Christian in college.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: The player that Priddy finished second to in scoring at the World League: Russia's own, Semen Poltavsky (I'm dead serious, his name is Semen)

Clay Stanley: The Serving Ace

An absolute whiz with the yellow and blue. (Did you know they don't use white balls anymore?) Stanley was the top server at the '08 NORCECA Qualifiers. NORCECA stands for acronym that is about four letters too long. Clay is known as an "opposite hitter," which I hope means what I think it does. "The ball's coming real high, I'm sure Clay will be jumping up straight to hit it, nope he's jumping like a monkey again. Oh Clay, you're such a jokester."

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: Stanley's NBC Bio includes articles titled "Bigger and Hits Harder" and "Riding on a Rainbow." Coincidentally, Clay Stanley always showers alone.

Lloy Ball: The Grizzled Veteran

In case you're already writing to inform me of a spelling error, his name really is Lloy. I have no idea what that's all about, but I like to think his mother suffered a stroke while giving his name, and nobody had the heart to tell her what happened. But if anyone can get through the shame of being d-less, it's Ball. A four time Olympian with a mean streak, Lloy has a goatee, pierced ear, and a plethora of tattoos that include the Olympic rings and a skeleton spiking a volleyball through a triangle. Which is badass because everyone knows triangles are the devil's volleyball net.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: None. Lloy eats sexual innuendo for breakfast.

Sean Rooney: The Tall Guy

Standing at a towering 6-9, Stanley originally started out playing basketball, but was" just a tall skinny kid who got pushed around a lot." So he began playing volleyball, where he is protected from the other players by a net. To make him sound a little less like a wussbag, I should mention that in 2006 he signed with the Korean Capital Hyundai Skywalkers. I really hope all the Korean volleyball teams have Star-Wars nicknames like the Vaders, the Millennium Falcons, and the Billy Dee Williams Colt 45's.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: Coach McCutcheon, when asked about Rooney said he has a "wonderful feel." Lloy ball machoed it up a bit by saying he's a "left-side banger."

Ryan Millar: The Other Tall Guy

Just a hair under Rooney at 6-8, Ryan Millar is kind of a dick. Named as an assistant head coach for the BYU men's volleyball team, Millar found himself thrust into the spotlight when the head coach suddenly resigned. Named co-captain with assistant coach Shawn Patchell, Millar pulled himself out of the running for full-time coach because the pay sucked. Umm, Ryan you could have just said you didn't want it because you thought Patchell was the more deserving candidate, instead of spitting in the face of his McJob.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: Miller's NBC bio includes articles titled, "Instant Impact" and "Sports and Young Love." Even Clay Stanley doesn't let Ryan near his children.

Gabe Gardner: Yet Another Tall Guy

Making his second Olympic appearance, Gabe is an opposite hitter, who used to be an outside hitter. So not only do you not know what he's going to do, you also don't know where he's coming from. Gardner dabbled in another Olympic sport while in high school: water polo. Offered scholarships from Pepperdine and UCLA, he turned them down to play volleyball at USC. All of his opponents let out a collective sigh. At 6-8, he probably didn't have to swim; a distinct water polo advantage.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: Asked about Gabe, the coach had this to say: "switching Gardner's position came about because he is not great at receiving serve, but McCutcheon wanted to still be able to utilize Gardner." I'm beginning to wonder if a few of the players were relieved to see McCutcheon quit. I know, I know, too soon.

David Lee: The Kid

The youngest member of the squad, at the age of 26, this is Lee's first Olympics. The youngest at 26? I guess that explains why every volleyball match I've ever seen played, consisted of nothing but geriatric men with way too much back hair. Well not the back hair part, but if I have to suffer, so do you the reader. Lee is also a bit of a hothead and is known for "random yelling" during matches. Are they sure he doesn't just have Tourette's? To calm down, he enjoys stamp collecting and model train building. Which is why he fits in playing a sport with geriatric old men.

Sexual Innuendo Courtesy of NBC.com: Lee's other hobbies include water sports and poker. A sentence who's double entendres make me laugh every time.

Quick Hits on the other members:

Scott Touzinsky: Has a weakness for buying shoes. (Gay)
Rich Lambourne: Played baseball, but switched to volleyball to be with friends. (Gay)
Riley Salmon: Is married to a woman named Millie (Gay)
Kevin Hansen: Shoots up at least six times a day. (Diabetic)

More innuendo at nbcolympics.com

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Oakland Playas! Your PGA Championship Leaderboard

Picking the winner of a Tigerless golf tournament is as close to needle in a haystack as you'll find in all of sports. Even providing commentary on all of the players is a chore to write and read. 158 golfers teed it up this week in Oakland Hills for the PGA Championship and one hundred of them have a legitimate chance to win the thing. So deciding a winner on Thursday is just foolish. Not one to pity fools, Wet Hot skips the boring Thursday and Friday rounds and gets straight to the good stuff. It's kinda like the little piece of dough in the middle of a cinnamon roll. So bust out your wetnaps as we pull out the sticky goodness that is your Friday night Leaderboard.

(-1) J.B. Holmes 

There's a good chance you've never heard of the 36 hole leader, but he's having a pretty good 2008. Holmes has three top ten finishes, one win (TPC Scottsdale) and a 25th place finish at the Masters. But with the ups there's been downs, as J.B. missed the cut at both Open Championships. By the way, if you're wondering why Mr. Holmes goes by the moniker, J.B., it's because his first name is John. You connect the dots.

(E) Ben Curtis 

There's a good chance you have heard of Curtis. The winner of the 2003 British Open, the experience of winning a major gives him an advantage over all but two other leaders. The fans will be rooting him on as well, because Curtis is sponsored by the NFL and wears the logo of whatever NFL team the venue is closest to. But I have a hard time picking a guy wearing Detroit Lions gear. (Admit it, you thought Oakland Hills was in California, me too. But it's really in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan.)

(E) Justin Rose 

Trying to become the first European born winner of the PGA since Tommy Armour in 1930, Rose has a mountain of history to overcome. He's also trying to overcome a difficult 2008 season which includes only one PGA top ten, a missed cut at the U.S. Open, 70th place at the other, and a fall from the top, to 36th at the Masters. He's never won on the PGA tour, but came the closest he's ever been this year with that one top ten, a second place finish at the Memorial. But "second place by any name wouldn't smell as sweet" 

(E) Charlie Wi 

I suppose if this South Korean had a blog, he would get a lot of traffic from people who can't spell Michelle's name right. But unlike his almost namesake, Charlie has made the cut on the PGA tour 15 times this year. Unfortunately none of those were in majors. The Kenny Perry of Asia, Wi is playing in his first major of the year. But unlike Kenny Perry, Wi didn't poke himself in the eye and withdraw from the tournament. Okay, so he says it was a corneal infection, but I think he jabbed a ball marker in there to avoid playing in his only major. Kenny. You're third in the Ryder Cup standings, now breathe.

(+1) Henrik Stenson 

Wait, this can't be right, they must have switched Swedes. Nope, looks like Thursday night leader Robert Karlsonn shot a 77 and is a good deal off the pace in 26th place. Which is why we do our predictions on Friday. That's not to say that Stenson won't follow suit and shoot a 77 on Saturday though. But with a third place at the Open, 17th at the Masters, and 7 of 9 PGA cuts made this year, I bet Henrik will be sticking around.

(+1) David Toms 

This might be the only guy at the top of the leaderboard the casual golf fan has heard of. And that's probably just because of those ESPN commercials he did back in the day. Oh and he won the PGA in 2001 with the lowest score in major championship history, but that's nothing really. As amazing as that week in 2001 was, the last few years have not been kind to Toms. His best finish in 2008 is a 17th place finish in Charlotte. In the Ryder Cup Standings he's 46th, behind superstuds like Dudley Hart and Chez Reavie. (I've never heard of him, but with a name like Chez, that guy must have had no choice but to play professional golf or be a restaurant sign.)

(+2) 7 players 

The Smoking Duck (Angel Cabrera), Badds! (Aaron Baddeley), The Pornstar (Ken Duke), The Waggle (Sergio Garcia), The Kid (Sean O' Hair), The Other Singh (Jeev Mikah Singh), and Brandt Snedeker. Sorry Brandt, as a consolation for not having a sweet nickname, I pick you as the guy most likely to win out of the group. After all you did finish 3rd at the Masters and 9th at the U.S. Open. I guess I should call you the Top Ten Tennessean. (He's from Nashville)

So who out of these guys do I think will win the PGA? Nobody on this list particularly impresses so I'm gonna be a little creative with my answer. The guy who wins the PGA will also win a wild card berth on the U.S. Ryder Cup team. O'Hair, Snedeker, and Holmes are 13, 15, and 16, respectively, on the Ryder Cup standings. With a win at Oakland Hills, I think there's no doubt Zinger will pull the trigger with one of his four captains picks.

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Lebron Loves Baklava But Kobe Loves Cannolis. Bryant to Italy in 2010?

We first reported on Ben Gordon's possible European affair, which escalated into Lebron's interest, and now MVP Kobe Bryant says that he would "probably go" if offered $50 million from an Italian team like Milan.

"Like Milan or something like that, where I grew up or something like that? Peace out." Bryant continued: "Do you know any reasonable person that would turn down 50 (million dollars)?"  

If Ben Gordon went to Europe a couple of people in Chicago and his mom would be upset. If Lebron leaves, David Stern will resign, the NBA's ratings will take a nosedive, and the city of Cleveland will implode. But what would happen if Italian born Kobe decided to return home for a year in 2010?

1. Pau Gasol Will Cry Himself to Sleep. 

Drafted by the historically horrible Hawks, Gasol was rescued by the Vancouver Grizzlies, who suck just as bad, but at least the grizzly bearded Spaniard would fit in with the Canadian lumberjacks. Then, Vancouver, unable to sell enough Maple Syrup to support an NBA franchise, moved the team to Memphis. If you've ever been to ghettolicious Memphis you could see how a seven foot Spaniard would have a tough time there. 

But the clouds seemingly opened up for him again, when Phil Jackson let GM Chris Wallace sleep with Jeannie Bus in exchange for Gasol. I think if Pau gets hosed one more time when Kobe leaves him with a bunch of "energy guys," he's going to keep his neighbor's awake at night with the sound of tears falling from seven feet off the ground.


2. Long Live King Kobe. 

When Bryant arrives in Milan there will be thousands of people lining the streets to greet him. This won't be a couple of Long Island families in bootleg Jetts tees clinging to a chain link fence for Favre's autograph. I'm talking full on azure pride awaiting. Throngs of converted soccer hooligans drunkenly chanting their Kobe song they made up over a keg of Peroni last night. 

Not only is Bryant an Italian native, and fluent in the language, he defied the odds and left the United States for the sake of his home country. Sure the $50 million didn't hurt, but that's only $32.5 million Euros, so he's really just an average working class hero in Italy.

3. ESPN Will Start A New Channel. 

If you thought the coverage of "Bays of Our Lives" and "Spygate" were overdone, wait till the Kobe to Italy talks start heating up. Instead of just turning Sportscenter into Kobecenter like they did with Favre, they will also launch an entire channel called ESPNK, that is dedicated to nothing but Kobe Bryant coverage. 

Hear from insightful pundits like Kobe's high school math teacher, Olimpia Milano towel boys, and a guy who once gave him change for a dollar. Watch captivating footage of Kobe cashing his check at the bank, getting a slice of pizza, and watching his stocks. Marvel at the sports figures that ESPN drags out of retirement to talk about Kobe. It's a good thing ESPN is doing Sportscenter live all morning in a few days, because I'm just not getting enough coverage.

4. Kobe Can Resume Adultering. 

Kobe's bogus rape trial earned him a lifetime negative approval rating  everywhere outside of Los Angeles. Even though not convicted, cheating on your wife is a big time no-no in the morally righteous ideology of the United States. In Europe, sexual promiscuity is abundant, especially in Italy where lying about adultery is protected by the Italian version of The Supreme Court. 

So if some snooping paparazzi-man catches you fondling another woman's boobage, you have no need to worry. You can simply hold a press conference to say that you were giving her a complimentary breast exam that she won in a halftime free-throw shooting contest. And the Italians will be legally obligated to believe you.

Amore on Kobe's Italian Future at The Boston Globe.

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Don't Die at the Olympics

If you're traveling to Beijing for the 2008 Summer Olympics there's a few things I'd like to discuss with you. First: you're a little late. Flights to China take longer than you think and you DON'T want to be the last guy to walk into the opening ceremonies. Can you say EMBARRASSING?! It's going to take a little longer than an in-flight showing of the holiday classic, "Jingle All The Way" to fly from New York to Beijing.

Second: Life at the Olympics and Beijing are dangerous. It's not like living in your safe little Harlem 2-bedroom apartment. Nope, it's a different world over there in China.

I thought it would be only right to provide you with a couple of quick survival tips to help you get through your trip to this year's summer games alive. It's the "Don't Die at the Olympics" guide.

Let's begin. First of all, you've heard lots and lots about the polluted air over there in Beijing. You think it's hype? Think again. Washington Post blogger extraordinaire Dan Steinberg tried out a little experiment; survive a lengthy jog in the heart of smog-haven Beijing. Here are the frightening results:



Lesson learned? To avoid death, don't jog in Beijing.

The air isn't the only death trap over there. Sometimes the actual Olympic events can be just as death-defying. If you're a member of the sports media, an athlete, or just a crazy fan sneaking onto the playing surface, you MUST pay attention to your surroundings:



Ouch! To avoid death, know your surroundings.

And finally, when you're walking around China remember that the laws of the land are a bit different from that of the red, white, and blue. So before committing that crime it's important to note that in China:

Defendants can be put to death for criminal offenses, including nonviolent property crimes such as theft, embezzlement and forgery. In 1993, 77% of all executions worldwide were carried out in China.

On a single day, 9 January 1993, 356 death sentences were handed down by Chinese courts; 62 executions took place that day. During that year alone, 2,564 people were sentenced to death. At least 1,419 of them are known to have been executed.

Talk about swift penalties. You may want to keep those criminal tendencies hidden for the next couple of weeks. Good luck in Beijing and and we'll see you next time. Stay alive America.

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Thursday Throw-down: The Olympics VS The Super Bowl

Welcome to Thursday boys and girls! Each and every 4th day of the work week we will have a mighty throw-down; a (somewhat) scientific comparison between two things. Maybe one week its two athletes, or two sports, or two athlete's wives/mistresses.

This week in honor of the upcoming Summer Olympics just hours away (unless you don't count the fruity opening ceremonies, which I don't) we'll throw-down with the 2008 Summer games vs. The Super Bowl. It's the pinnacle of international competition doing battle with the pinnacle of good 'ol AMERICAN competition. And you know, beer and over produced halftime shows.

Let's Throw-down!

	THE 2008 OLYMPICS	THE SUPER BOWL
SPORT	With 34 different sports represented it's got something for everyone including some really fun obscure sports like table tennis and trampoline, which we are all a little surprised to find out are actual sports.	Football. I mean it's America's favorite sport. There's lots of hitting and running and throwing and what not. It's quite nice.
FANS	You've got a random and extremely small assortment of fans from countries all over the world. And then you've got a billion Chinese.	If you're lucky you get Raiders fans, which is basically an assortment of people celebrating Halloween every day. If you're having a bad day you get Eagle fans who will boo Santa Clause, misspell their own team's name in chants, and consume a billion cheese steaks.
BEST ATHLETE	I'll go ahead and pick American swimmer Michael Phelps; he may win the record for most gold medals won in a single Olympics and he's got a really sweet 'stache.	Tom Brady. He's dreamy.
WORST ATHLETE	Table Tennis player (come on this is just Ping Pong right?). Incredible hand-eye coordination and quickness. Poor muscle definition, personality, and exclusively Asian in ethnicity.	Punter. Incredible leg strength and flexibility. Poor tackling ability, size, strength, mental toughness, and just about everything else required of any other position player.
AWARD GIVEN	Small circular medal, hopefully golden.	Vince Lombardi trophy, a giant phallic symbol with a little football on top.
LOCATION	Beijing, China. Possibly the most polluted area on the planet. Crowded city, lack of English spoken.	Usually a warm, tourist friendly city in America. Plenty of English spoken.
TV PERSONALITY	Bob Costas. That little guy is just brimming with interesting sports anecdotes and statistics.	John Madden. He's everything BUT little and is expanding every day.

And the winner of the 1st annual Wet Hot American Sports Thursday Throw-down.....

THE SUPER BOWL! Come on, did you think we'd pick some "Foreign" sporting event over our good 'ol American tackle-fest? The truth is, I've never heard of an Olympics party and as far as I know the commercials are not that funny. And I complain that the Super Bowl is WAY too long, not to mention the pregame show, but the Olympics last weeks. What if we had to wait WEEKS to find out who was in fact going to Disney World?

Congrats Super Bowl, you will receive a free subscription to the new award winning blog "Wet Hot American Sports." My friends tell me it's all the rage.

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Clearing the Smog, Vol. IV: Getting to Know the Ten Sexiest Female U.S. Olympians

With the Olympics just one day away from beginning, it's time for yet another episode of Clearing the Smog: Getting to know your U.S. Olympians. With our helpful tidbits of information you'll be the envy of Sigma Delta Rho when watching the Archery finals. Why? Because you'll know that Butch Johnson is a five time Olympian and not just a great porn title. So I now present you with:

The Ten Sexiest Female U.S. Olympic Athletes

(Click any picture for a full sexy res version)

10. Dara Torres 

Occupying the obligatory MILF slot, Torres still smokes through the swimming pool at age 41. Competing in her fifth Olympic games, she was the oldest U.S. Olympian in 2000, but surprisingly isn't in 2008. 58 year old air pistol shooter, Libby Callahan, beat her out this time. Sorry Libby there's no obligatory GMILF slot on this list.

9. Kerri Walsh

Ready to unseat Torres in a few years, thirty-year-old Walsh has competed in the Olympics in both indoor and beach volleyball. She makes this list for two reasons. One, she fulfills the tall girl requirement, and two, she probably will spend most of the time you see her in a bikini. Plus you could come up with a behind the back hand signal that only you and her would understand. For example a wiggle of the pinky clockwise means, "sex later?"

8. Allyson Felix.

A silver medal winner in Athens, this sprinter turns heads faster than anyone else on this list. Allyson also has that "I might occasionally kick your ass, but that's okay because the sex will be phenomenal," look about her. You know what I mean; the kind where you tell your coworkers that the bruises are from that infernal Bowflex, and they roll their eyes and say, "Sure it was."






7. Alicia Sacramone.

If it wasn't for that whole underage thing, I'd probably put nothing but gymnasts on this list. But Sacramone is twenty, so booya. Alicia is very attractive, with an Italian allure and surprisingly developed "pectorals" for a gymnast. But even if she was beaten with an ugly stick, I'd still probably put her on this list. Any guy who's ever been with a gymnast will know exactly why.


6. Natalie Coughlin. 

A freshman entry into the list, Natalie makes a strong debut at number six. She gets bonus points for being really good as well as smoking hot. She could win a whole slew of swimming medals in Beijing. Sexy, competitive, and you might be able to wear one of her spare medals to feel like a champ in bed. I once wore a gold medal in competitive eating to bed. She was a very large woman. 

5. Hope Solo. 

Just look at the determination in her gorgeous eyes. Hope is a woman who knows what she wants. Notorious for getting kicked off the World Cup team for criticizing her coach, she's the kind of girl you  want as a girlfriend. If you order a pizza and it gets there without the bacon you ordered, she would be the kind to march down to Papa John's house himself and bitch slap him with a slab of bacon, because she knows how much her man loves bacon.

4. Amanda Beard. 

Yet another one of the slightly "mature" women, Beard has been dominating this list for decades. But she loses points this time around for those PETA ads she did. Yes, she did the ads nude, but associating with wacko organizations like PETA is very not sexy. I don't like to be slapped during post-coitus because she just had an orgasm on what she later discovered was a goose down comforter.

3. Jennie Finch. 

Probably the most well know Olympic sexpot on this list, Finch is like the Brett Favre of softball; without the man stubble of course. She's been on "The Apprentice" and was voted ESPN's hottest athlete in 2003. But the best part of her resume is that she occasionally corresponds for ESPN's "This Week in Baseball." Leaving open the fantasy that she might have once grazed her hand across Erin Andrews. Accidentally of course, but awesome none the less.




2. Heather Mitts. 

She's already got a great porn name, so without even looking at her she's worth a mention. Okay, now look at her. Yeah, lived up to the hype didn't it? That's why this superfly soccerite makes it so high on this list. She also, unlike any of the other girls on this list, looks really nice. I mean I like my fair share of crazy, powerful, sadistic girls, but the girl next door is a hell of a lot less stressful.

1. Jenny Adams. 

Please turn your attention to the picture on the left. Jenny is a hurdler. There, now I won't say anything more to ruin your moment gazing upon this fantastic woman.

That not enough for you? Well okay, I'll do some more. This is really boring and dull, but if you must insist, I present: 

The Five Sexiest Female Foreign Olympic Athletes.

5. Susanna Kallur. 

This sexy little Swede was born in the United States to NHL player, Anders Kallur. Sing ABBA tunes with her to celebrate her hurdling victory while you hurdle her into bed. And if you didn't have a reason to watch women's hurdling before, you certainly do now.

4. Alexandra Orlando. 

Another classic porn name, this fiery Latino hails from the sweaty jungles of...Canada? I don't know what the hell that's all about, but I really don't care. I can put up with a couple of Ehs and Aboots for her any day of the week. She is also the only reason to give a crap about rhythmic gymnastics.

3. Christine Arron. 

I'll admit this photo of Christine is pretty airbrushed, as a Google image search of her will produce pictures of a track star that was quite fugly a few years ago. But she looks like freaking J-lo in that picture. Airbrushed or not, she's still pretty damn fly. Plus she's French, and french accents increase sexiness tenfold.

2. Ana Ivanovic. 

An incredibly close second place, Ivanovic is also near the best female tennis player in the world right now. I tell you, when Anna Kornikova hit the scene, I thought she couldn't be topped. But then Maria Sharapova arrived, who has now been replaced by Ana Ivanovic. I love women's tennis.

1. Yelena Isinbayeva. 

If one takes the two pictures at face value alone, you might give Ana the slight edge. But if you take into account that Yelena's picture was taken in the middle of a track meet when she's sweaty, stinky, and not wearing makeup; and Ana's was done in a photo studio, Yelena is definitely the winner. I selected this picture to make that point. Plus there's just something about the way she's gripping that pole. If you want a more refined photo just Google her name and you'll be entertained for hours.

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Can You Digg It?

We are just constantly exploring new, fun, and wonderful things. And no, I'm not talking about Phil's new obsession with collecting Russian nesting dolls, I'm referring to the little yellow box to the right. This is the Digg Button/Counter. If you aren't aware, Digg is a fantastic site where people vote on the best content on the web every day.

So where does this leave you the reader? Hopefully you have come to this site because you enjoy the fantastic sports commentary and hilarious jokes. If so I encourage you to digg this article and any other article that suits your fantasy. This will help get the good word out about our thought provoking entertainment. SIDE NOTE: If you are merely visiting this website on the hope that Phil will finally release the pictures of he and Natalie Portman's baby, you don't have to digg us.

All you have to do to Digg an article is click the digg it button. You will have to sign up for a Digg account, but its super quick and easy. You'll be done quicker than Brett Favre changes his mind. So please help the starving children and promote world peace and Digg our site. So I have to post something after the jump even though I'm done with this thought, because the Chinese IT slaves in the basement say I do. So after the jump, I'll post one of the sought after Elkins/Portman baby pictures.


Sadly, not even the super-hot Natalie Portman could counteract the sheer ugliness of Phil.
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B-R-E-T Bretts! Bretts! Bretts!

Well the soap opera, "Bays of Our Lives" is finally coming to a close, and another twist is a fitting end to the story. As of late Wednesday night, it has become official that Brett Favre will be a New York Jet this fall. Even though it seemed like a long shot at first, the New Jersey Jets put together a compelling case for graybeard to throw bombs in the Meadowlands this year. Stolen from underneath Eric Mangini's Calzone at a Cosa Nostra hangout, I present you:

The Top 5 Reasons Brett Favre Will Love The Jets

5. The Jet's Schedule is Cake.

This season the Jets will play only four games against teams that had winning records last year. The Patriots twice, San Diego, and Tennessee. They play four out of the five worst teams from last year, and the worst team, the Dolphins, twice. The only team in the bottom five they don't play against: The New York Jets.

4. I Heart NY will be replaced by I Heart BF

New York will absolutely fall in love with country boy Brett. The New York media and New York fans have always had a special reverence for good ole boys. Whether it's the clean cut and affable Derek Jeter, or the hard-working David Lee, New Yorkers love blue collar guys. New York is such a melting pot of cultures that nobody cares where you're from, they just want you to be approachable and relate to them.

3. The Reunion with Bubba.

Favre will be arriving at training camp to the large arms and spit stained shirt of his old buddy Bubba Franks. The veteran tight end joined the Jets during the off-season after being realsed by the Packers. Anybody who counted out New York in the Favre-off was forgetting how much of a self-proclaimed country boy Favre is. Combine a friend named Bubba with the backwoods setting of the Jersey suburbs and Favre should feel right at home.

2. The Jets Have a Deceptively Good Team.

The defense was a solid, middle of the road squad last year, statistically. But when you factor in two trips versus the thorn in their side, Patriots offensive juggernaut they rank much higher. With the addition of Buckeye bruiser Vernon Gholston and wiley veteran Kris Jenkins, they should be even better. The offense will be markedly better. The addition of Alan Faneca to the O-line will help Thomas Jones and new backup Jesse Chatman break open the running game. The wide receiver corp is already spectacular. Laverneus Coles and Jerricho Cotchery have always been on the cusp of the Pro Bowl. By replacing Pennington's pea-shooter with Favre's cannon expect them to be a dynamic duo this year.

1. He Can Pull Off the Fur Coat

Move over Broadway Joe, Broadway Brett's moving in. No more suffering through the unbearable Wisconsin winters wearing crappy NFL issued vinyl jackets. After Namath's precedent was set its perfectly acceptable to rock the giant, puffy, fur coat in the Meadowlands. But instead of just paying tribute to the man, I say take it to the next level. Kill a grizzly bear, preferably with your hands, skin it, and wear that as your fur coat on your way to the Super Bowl. Not only will you replace Joe Namath as the number one Jet, you'll replace Chuck Norris as the number one badass.

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